Could this be love?

Chapter Thirty-Six

Andy’s point of view

June used to be my favourite month.  It used to remind me of warmth, friendship and happiness.  Used to.  Now, I realised as I stared at myself in my bathroom mirror, it would forever remind me of loss.  Loss of love, loss of friendships, Sandra.

Sandra.

It was almost impossible to believe that the night she was killed I had only spoken to her hours before.  It killed me to think that I was possibly the last person to talk to her.  I didn’t want to believe I was, but who else could have spoken to her after she left us to go home? Sandra only really had us as friends.  The realisation that I was probably the very last person to have spoken to her sent a sharp pain searing through my already shattered heart. 

A knock at my door interrupted my thoughts and I quickly wiped away a tear I didn’t know had fallen. 

“Yeah?”  I weakly choked out and went back to fixing the tie I had completely forgotten about.  Suddenly warm, sturdy hands wrapped around my waist and I inhaled the smell of my Ashley. 

“Your mum sent me up here to see if you were almost ready.”

I just shrugged in response, not trusting my voice.  I saw Ashley’s reflection smile weakly before he gently removed my shaking fingers from my tie and turned me around. 

I stood in silence for a few seconds as Ashley’s fingers delicately tied my tie. 

“Nothing is going to be the same ever again.”  I whispered to the ground.  Ashley’s fingers froze momentarily before he finished the knot and smoothed the tie down.  He took a small step back to admire his work. 

“I know.”

“At least your parents are letting you stay for the funeral.”  I said, my voice more harsh than I meant to. 

“Yeah.  Dad’s boss was very understanding when he told him he had to delay the flight.”

I let out a sharp, humorless laugh, causing Ashley to flinch.  I sighed and stepped forward to wrap him in a hug.

“I’m sorry.”  I whispered into his hair.  “It’s just, today sucks.  You’re leaving tonight, it’s Sandra’s…” My voice broke off.

“I know baby.  I know.”  Ash replied in a soft voice. 

“Andy, Ashley?”  My mum asked from my doorway.  I slowly broke apart from Ashley and looked over to her, not even bothering to hide the tears flowing freely down my cheeks.  “Are you guys ready?  Everyone is here and waiting for us.”

I raised my eyebrows slightly.  “Everyone?”

Mum paused.  “Well.  Sandra’s parents decided to just meet us at the church instead of coming here first.” 

I gave a quiet snort as Mum walked out of the room.  It wasn’t a secret that Sandra’s mum and dad blamed Jinxx, Jake, CC, Ashley, and, most of all, me for their daughter’s death.  Thinking about it though, I couldn’t exactly blame them.  After all, if it weren’t for us she wouldn’t have been out late.  If it weren’t for the fact that we had more people than seats in my car, I could have driven her home.  If I had been able to drive her, she wouldn’t have been walking home.  A car wouldn’t have hit her, and she wouldn’t have been dead before the driver even had a chance to call the police.