Could this be love?

Chapter Thirty-Four

Andy’s Point of View

Hanging out with everyone at the mall while we waited for the movie to start was great, or at least it should have been.  It reminded me of old times, and I should have been happy, even content, but I wasn’t.   I was holding tightly onto Ashes’ hand as we walked, watching CC and Jake fuck around, but I couldn’t stop sneaking guilty glances over my shoulder at Jinxx.  He said he was fine and that he wanted this, but if the rolls were reversed and I was in Jinxx’s position I knew I wouldn’t be okay.  If I was Jinxx I knew I would be a mess right now and wouldn’t want anything more than to be alone so I could cry my heart out.  So why was he acting fine?  Why was he smiling and joking around with Sandra as she jokingly told CC and Jake to settle the fuck down?  Why-?

“Hey, are you okay?”  Ashley whispered, gently bumping into me with his shoulder.

I mentally shook myself and forced a smile.  “Yeah, I’m great.”  My happy tone was obviously fake.

Ashley frowned.  “Andy, I know you.  I can tell when you’re lying to me.”

I sighed, the fake smile sliding from my face and I looked down.  “I know.”

“So what’s up?”  He murmured quietly enough to not be overheard by Sandra and Jinxx, who were walking a little behind us.  Not that it mattered since CC and Jake were being so loud anyway.  I was actually surprised they only managed to get a few glares by people walking by.

“It’s just…” I sighed, not knowing how to tell Ashley what I was thinking without hurting him. 

“You’re still feeling confused and guilty about the whole Jinxx/me thing, aren’t you?” 

I looked at Ashley, tears suddenly filling my eyes.  I hesitated before giving a small nod.  I looked away quickly so I didn’t have to see the look on his face. 

“Andy,” Ashley let out a breath before mumbling a curse.  I snuck a glace at him as he ran his free hand through his hair. 

His hesitation gave me enough time to yet again question everything.  Honestly, I didn’t think I deserved to be confused, not knowing which guy I really wanted to be with.  Hell, I shouldn’t even have the option to be with one of them.  If I were in either of their positions, I would have told me to go fuck myself already.  I should be alone and unloved after everything that I’ve done to Ashley and Jinxx.  I’ve basically toyed with their emotions and used the fact that they love me to my advantage, hurting both of them along the way.  Ashley should have said ‘fuck it’ after I dumped him for Jinxx.  He shouldn’t have kept loving me, he shouldn’t have slept with me, and he certainly shouldn’t have said yes when I asked him out again.  I know I wouldn’t have if I were in his place.

As for Jinxx, well I lied to him about not loving Ashley anymore, I fucked Ashley while I was still with Jinxx, and I kept silently regretting dumping Ashley for part of Jinxx’s and my relationship.  Jinxx should have punched me in the face and never forgiven me.  He should have broken up with me after he found out I still loved Ashley, or, if not then, he should have dumped me when he found out I slept with Ashley.  I would have if I were Jinxx.  What did he do instead, though?  Yeah, he did dumped me, but only because he wanted me to get back with Ashley for my own happiness.