Could this be love?

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Ashley’s Point of View

The three of us fell into silence once again when Sandra stopped speaking.  Even the other people in the coffee shop seemed to quiet down; their individual conversations reduced to something of a quiet buzz.  It was almost as if the knew that speaking loudly after Sandra’s confession would be considered wrong, almost something like a sin.  Of course, this was only an illusion; they didn’t care about our problems because they were too caught up in their own lives and the struggles they may be facing themselves.  We were alone in the world, we all were.  We were all born alone and we would all die alone.  Feeling otherwise was just an illusion to soften the blow of reality. 

At least you have your parents.  If you didn’t have anyone else, at least you have them.  I reminded myself.  Sandra has no one but us.  No one but her friends.

 

At the thought I felt my throat tighten.  I gulped, trying hard not the cry, and reached across the table to grab Sandra’s hand.  As I used my thumb to gently trace circles on her hand, I was reminded of the first time Sandra and I properly talked and became friends.  She had admitted to being deeply in love with Andy and I had grabbed her hand in an attempt to comfort her.  A soft smiled made my lips rise as Sandra looked up, her tears streaking down her face, smudging her eyeliner.  Immediately my smile faded.

“Sandra, fuck.  Man I never knew.  I’m so sorry.”  I whispered, struggling to find the right words to not only comfort her, but to also express how truly sorry I was. 

“It’s okay Ashley.  It’s not your fault.”  Sandra replied as she looked back down at the table.  She started picking at her nail polish again.  “It’s mine.  I’m clearly not worthy of anyone’s love.”

I squeezed Sandra’s hand harshly, accidently digging my nails into her skin.  She winced slightly as she looked back up.  “Sandra, listen to me very closely.  You are worthy of all the love in the entire fucking world, actually, in the entire fucking known universe.  I love you, CC loves you, Jinxx loves you, Jake loves you, and to be honest Andy probably loves you more than all of us combined.  Maybe not in the way you want him to, but he still loves you.  If your parents don’t love you, well, that sounds like that’s their problem, not yours.  They’re missing out on a really great girl by being complete ass holes.”

Sandra smiled softly, but the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes and more tears trickled from her eyes.  “Thank you Ash.”  She said quietly.  “But, if they ever found out I was gay…”

I cut her off quickly, not wanting her to say it.  “They wont.  It’s fucking horrible that you have to hide such a big part of your life from them, but if they’re really as bad as you say they are it’s for the best.”

“How do you know they wont find out?”  Sandra asked, looking down once again.

“Well, how could they without you telling them?” 

“People talk Ashley.  If word gets out, or if the wrong person sees me with Kina, they might tell my parents.”

I opened my mouth but nothing came out; I had nothing to say to that.  I glanced at Kina, looking for help.  She made eye contact with me, smiled softly and looked down with a small shrug.  Great fucking help she is.