Finding myself (18+)

Chapter 4

A delicious aroma is dominating Charles flat. The miracle of cooking is welcoming me. It is so strong I can feel it from the entrance, going through my nostrils and relaxing me for a moment.

And once I close the door, I realize how odd is considering here to be his flat, when it has always been ours.

I hear Char moving in the kitchen, metal noises in the oven. I hesitate to chicken out and leave, instead of facing him. I haven't thought about how I should start our discussion, and with each step I take, the more frightened I get.

I know my brother, he will try persuading me to give up on the internship and going to France. I haven't gathered my arguments and prepared my speech to defend my goals.

During my entire life, I avoided these types of discussions, especially with Char. I hate the yelling and how he can always convince me about what he deems is the right choice.

Yet I can't believe I'm afraid of discussing with my own brother, so I take a deep breath and proceed to the kitchen.

"Hi", his shoulders tense hearing my voice while he is stirring whatever it is inside the pan. He wasn't sure I would come. He hesitates before turning and I suppose he is as anxious as I am about the discussion.

"Hey", he says giving me a small smile and returning to his duties. I take a chair and place it close to the kitchen counter. Then I'm watching and appreciating his cooking skills.

I wish I could chop and stir and season, all at the same time, as skilled and coordinated as he does. The way he moves is almost like a dance.

"I'm preparing a cucumber soup with prawns on the side", Charles starts talking. "I know you love prawns", he faces me again, giving me a grin, before returning to his duties.

"Yeah I do", I answer, planning to approach the main subject.

"It is a new recipe", he continues. "I hope I will make it right", he proceeds explaining how to prepare it. I sense he is avoiding discussing the elephant in the room. He knows I will never cook it, it is too complicated.

If I remember the damage I inflicted cooking a simple sauce. I wouldn't adventure myself using prawns as an ingredient. I wouldn't doubt I could kill with it, my cooking seems to be a powerful torture weapon. I don't get why.

"Char", I stop his blabbering. He has been talking nonstop since I arrived, avoiding anything else.

"I'm sorry", I apologize.

He nods, placing the food on the table.

"Can you say something? We should talk about it", he takes a deep breath.

"I don't know what to tell you, I never expected it, I still can't believe you two have..."

"I know Char, I shouldn't have slept with your friend, I'm sorry I did", he grimaces with my words. We both take our time tasting the food. Once again, it is amazing.

"I was the last to know my sister was sleeping with the guy I receive in my own place. A guy I considered as a good friend of mine," he is calm while he explains, but I still can detect how much it hurts him.

"Why Kels?"

"I don't know, it just happened," I confess. Considering it now I don't know how I let things slip and haven't consider Char. It is something about Andrew that drove me to forget about anything else, and that's why I can't let it happen again.

"I honestly never thought you would do something like that, not with one of my friends", he admits shaking his head. "It felt like a stab in my back".