Finding myself (18+)

Chapter 37

"It's too soon?" I bite my nail, being torn while looking at the pros and cons list in front of me.

"Remember the wreck I was when I launched my start-up?" Char asks me on the phone.

"Yeah..."

"I postpone and postpone to launch it because I never felt ready." I put the list on my nightstand and get comfortable in my bed to give him my full attention.

"I was ready to give up when I ran to dad for his advice. He told me a story. I don't know if you've heard it, but mom and he got married in a rush. They were still young, dating and happy and not planning on the next move yet when mom got pregnant."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, of twins," Char says, and cold runs all over my body.

"I don't need to tell you they lost it. They planned everything. They got married, found a place, got everything to have their kids, and then they lost it."

"They weren't prepared for the loss. They could have divorced after it if it was what they wanted, instead, they realize they wanted kids. Mom got pregnant with me a few months later. It was planned this time yet dad told me they couldn't have been less prepared. He told me that we always feel unprepared for the big life changes, that it's never going to be as we expect, we cannot plan everything, and it doesn't matter how much we try. What makes us ready is to go through it. Make ourselves prepared, adapt, grow, learn from our mistakes and move further."

"And he was right, I could never be enough prepared to launch my start-up it didn't matter how many times I postpone it. It was a mess, I've never been so tired and stressed, but guess what?"

"It worked. In the end, it worked because I put effort into it. I'm glad I decided to launch it instead of canceling it."

"Do you get what I mean?"

I nod, then answer when I realize he can't see me.

Looking back now, the nervousness before coming to Paris. I've prepared everything for my arrival. I studied French for years, yet when I arrived... My French wasn't that good.

 On several occasions, other things came up to resolve in order to settle my master and life in France. Things I didn't anticipate, even after spending countless days preparing everything. But everything got ok somehow.

My relationship with Char was one of the points that held me from coming to Paris. I was scared of going out of his sight and damaging it. Instead of it, because we both feared losing our bond, we made effort to call each other often, to listen. Because of it, I talked to him about subjects I'd never discussed before. Deeper and more meaningful subjects, like relationships. Wanting to include him I seek his advice. And instead of blocking me and protecting me like he used to do, he was very pragmatic. He helped me decide which internship was the best option for me. Where I could learn more and have better opportunities in the wind domain. Even if it meant moving to London.

I'm proud to see how our relationship evolved, how we grew far away physically but not apart. We both needed it.

Char has sought me for advice as well, right before settling down with his new girlfriend he came to me to talk. He never talked about his relationships before either. He changed. We changed. Now he sees me as the grown woman I am. I'm still his little sister, but not young and naive anymore.

"You're really going?" Prika asks as soon as I finish my call, placing the hair strands that fell off her bun around her ear and sitting on her bed. I sit on my bed and look at her.

"Yeah, it looks like." I take another look at my pros and cons list, proud to say the pros won wide.

It wasn't a rushed decision, I took my time, listed every important point, and discussed it with my friends and family. I should've discussed it with Andrew but he left for a business trip to South America.