Finding myself (18+)

Chapter 31

The days go by but my message and call remain unanswered. When Andrew left for London after we started dating, I knew where I was putting myself into. Just didn't think it would bite me so soon.

"That's enough." Priscila grabs my phone from my hand and puts it on the bed.

"We're going out for drinks tonight and you'll leave that thing here." She points to my phone.

She's right. Waiting for him already took too much of my time.

Time was short last Sunday when he came. We didn't have time to discuss important details before he left. Such as how we're going to do this or when we're going to see each other again. And now, it has been five days of waiting. He has never sent a single message since he left, nor has he replied to mine.

Perhaps I'm expecting too much, my insecurities are driving my expectations. Wondering if he regretted it. Perhaps is normal not to know when you're going to see your boyfriend again, or how he's doing. It has been only a few days after all.

Five days are not a lot, but inside my head, it seems like weeks.

I sigh, getting up and looking for my purse. Wondering if it was a bad decision. And how many bad decisions I would make until I finally make things right.

***

Every Thursday after class we join our classmates in the same bar for 'happy hour'. So I know exactly where we are going when Priscila invites me for drinks.

Antoine remains quiet since I sit on his left side, inside the bar. I'm fidging with my purse, looking for safe subjects to discuss with him. We talked, I explained everything, or I at least tried. I told him I'm sorry a thousand times, but he's still mad at me. And I can't let it go. Even though I could sit with anyone else, someone who wants my company, I'm here on his side.

After his second beer, he gets chatty. Or maybe I got used to him not speaking at all that when he asks a few questions it looks like chatty to me. Until he's questioning me about my boyfriend.

And it's like he knows the exact question to disturb me. Causing me to question myself, to wonder if it's enough and if I can handle it, to doubt it could work.

I took such a small step in the last weeks and I'm afraid to go back. I'm still the same naive girl that made some awful decisions. Who gave up on her dream because of a teenage relationship.

Now I'm finally being myself, I'm not depending on anyone. Despite it, since I came here, to Paris, something was always missing. No matter how much effort I made to ignore it. Or how ridiculous it is 'cause I'm right where I'm supposed to be, yet it's incomplete. And even if I tried to deny it, I know it was because of him.

***

"Ouch", I rub my forearm Priscila pinched, glaring at her. She nods her head in direction of the corridor of our dorm and I spot a guy sitting there.

Leaning against the wall in front of our door.

I take a better look at him, frowning. It's not any guy, it's my guy if I could call him that.

The entire week I wait for him to call me and suddenly he's here. As always, when I least expect it.

Andrew is on the floor, sitting with his back and head leaning against the wall. He seems tired, his eyes are closed and he has a suitcase on his side.

His eyes suddenly open, awaken by the noises of our steps.

"Where were you?" He stands up, rearranging his suit. He's wearing one of his grey ones I adore.