Dec was in a foul mood. Fairly or unfairly, he was angry at Stephen. Definitely unfairly, he was taking it out on Ant.
Ant had given him one of those looks about thirty seconds after seeing him that morning. Not that they could immediately talk, given their position in the back of the car. But that had made Dec's frustration worse, the impending doom of another difficult conversation only adding to everything else he had to contend with.
He'd asked for a reason to give Stephen space and Stephen hadn't said anything. He could have walked out after that and he did – just not before making some choices he already regretted.
"Nothing? You're really not going to say anything?"
He'd seen the discomfort already, the flicker of something unpleasant in Stephen's expression. He should have stopped before it got any worse but that angry part of him had reared back like a snake, fangs ready to strike.
"After all this, you shut me out! I've tried to help you and you still push me away!"
Another flinch but Dec hadn't stopped. He'd wanted to knock some sense into Stephen, to floor him enough that he broke this façade and admitted he needed help that Dec could provide.
"Things aren't going to get better if you go on dealing with it like this. Have I just wasted all this time?"
That had been enough. Well, it had been enough for Stephen to finally interrupt.
"You didn't have to put up with me this long. Maybe you shouldn't have. I told you enough times that I wasn't the easy, happy guy everyone seems to expect me to be. You know I'm not like that. So why the hell are you suddenly expecting me to be?!"
Dec hadn't known the answer to that and it had been easier to just leave before he said anything else he couldn't take back. He still wasn't sure – he didn't expect Stephen to be happy, in fact he was surprised he managed to hold on so well given everything he had to contend with.
It wasn't that he expected anything from Stephen – he wanted him, more than anything, to be able to be happy. He wanted him to be comfortable in a relationship, to cast off the people who had made his life a misery. He loved him more than he could explain and it hurt too much watching him in pain like that.
Of course, he was never going to say all of that. He'd been angry. He still was.
He was scared too. Not that he liked to admit it. But he was scared of Stephen being on his own, of the other man losing his support network just because he'd distanced himself from Dec.
So, why was he angry at Ant? Ant, who was trying to talk to Stephen as much as he tried with Dec. Ant, who wasn't going to let Dec's temper stop him from making sure Stephen was okay.
And Dec didn't know. But he was fed up of Stephen occupying every second of his day. Caring about him that much was too painful. It stung to remember he couldn't do anything to help. Worrying from a distance was just a pointless form of torture.
Maybe he was jealous. Jealous that Ant had a chance of being let in when he didn't.
That was probably it. Dec didn't do well with jealousy.
(*~*)
"What's stopping you? We don't have to make anything official – just a few photographs of you and a female friend walking around the park would get people talking."
Dec's irritation had been rising all day. First, taking the Stephen situation out on Ant. Then, a series of meetings overrunning. And then somehow, he'd managed to forget the PR meeting they had scheduled at the end of the day.
YOU ARE READING
As we fall apart
Fanfiction"Maybe it would be best if..." "What's that supposed to mean?" "I don't think I can do this anymore." It felt like it came out of nowhere. They'd had a lot to contend with for a long time but still, after it all, they'd had each other. Until they di...
