It was early.
Too early to be rudely awakened by an alarm.
Too early to remember the reason for waking up in the middle of the night.
Too early to realise that it was the last time he'd be lying next to Stephen for a month.
It had been unrealistic to think Stephen could leave the UK for four weeks without them running into scheduling conflicts. Dec had hoped there might be a free week or two but they were often both as busy as each other and Stephen once again didn't have much free time in the run up to Christmas and certainly not enough to take an impromptu holiday to Australia.
It was tempting to stay asleep until a snoozed alarm dragged him back through the same cycle all over again, tempting to wait for Stephen to try and kick him out of bed so he didn't miss his flight. But Dec knew Stephen had woken up too, the arm wrapped over him moving with a conscious intent.
He rolled over, greeted by Stephen's half-asleep gaze in the gloom. And even with mostly closed eyes, the weight of his stare was there, tangible as he drank in every detail on Dec's face.
"I'll be on the telly every night," Dec mumbled with a yawn, knowing he was trying to absorb everything he could. Stephen's mouth flickered softly.
"Not the same, is it?"
They'd both been avoiding the topic of Australia for the last few weeks, aware of this date creeping closer but not addressing what that really meant. Even when Dec had been packing the day before, they had dodged the bigger conversations that could have prompted.
"I'll probably still get to see you every day too," Dec pointed out now, "Your mopey face will be in the tabloids every day if they think they can make out that you're missing me."
This, at least, got Stephen to smile slightly. "Probably." He shifted, freeing the arm that had been bent and pillowed under his head so that he could distractedly play with a strand of Dec's hair. As he did so, his smile grew teasingly. "Does that mean I don't have to send my 'I'm still alive and okay without you' texts every five minutes?"
Dec pretended to think, feeling himself gravitate closer until he could feel Stephen's forehead skim his own, their noses brushing together. "You're not getting out of them that easily."
Stephen's breathy laugh ghosted his skin, the younger man's eyes closing contentedly just for a moment and then opening again as if he didn't want to miss a second of having Dec in front of him.
"You're an idiot," he murmured softly, the insult long since becoming a term of endearment between them.
"I know," Dec replied, smiling as he shut his eyes for a moment only to feel Stephen's lips brush against his upturned mouth. He moved automatically closer when he withdrew too quickly, feeling Stephen's grin when he returned the gesture with a series of successive kisses of his own.
"I love you."
Dec would never get bored of hearing the same three words; that tone of voice they were delivered with always igniting a fire in his chest. Today, they brought with them a lump in his throat, a build up of emotion that was difficult to unpack when his thought process was still sluggish and hazy with fatigue.
"One year you'll be able to come," he said back instead, trapping himself back in Stephen's gaze as the other man rolled onto his back and then tucking into his side as soon as he was still. He rested his head on Stephen's chest, listening to his heart beat without that old fluttering nervousness. It was reassuringly constant against his ear now, firm and unwavering as he brought his hand up to rest in his eye line. Stephen's palm was warm against his knuckles when he covered them, squeezing tightly.
YOU ARE READING
As we fall apart
Fanfic"Maybe it would be best if..." "What's that supposed to mean?" "I don't think I can do this anymore." It felt like it came out of nowhere. They'd had a lot to contend with for a long time but still, after it all, they'd had each other. Until they di...
