"Tea?" Dec asked quietly. The offer was shaky, his voice brittle as it had often been recently.
Stephen nodded, still trying to let out a breath after their latest brush with the journalists outside. "That would be nice."
Dec moved through to the kitchen, his shoes already kicked off and discarded to one side. Stephen was slower, his bag joining Dec's beside the front door before he stooped to undo his laces. It was strange to be back somewhere so familiar but still feel slightly off-kilter and out of place, even when Dec looked at him with nothing but that same old adoration.
He was facing the kettle when Stephen reached the kitchen, the sight too inviting for Stephen not to go over, enveloping him in a hug from behind that was infected with as much reassurance as he could muster. Dec's head leant back against his chest, lips curling into a flickering smile.
"I've missed this," he murmured under his breath.
"I missed you," Stephen replied, letting Dec wriggle around until they were facing each other. He tilted his head down to kiss the older man, pressing against the ghost of a smile he was met with and only speaking when he withdrew for a moment. "So much."
It still felt like he was floating – all the time. Like he was drunk to the point of losing his grip on reality; drunk on the realisation that they were out and the world hadn't quite ended, that they were together again, that Dec still wanted him there.
"I love you," Dec said, talking in that way that meant Stephen didn't have to say it back. He'd said it that morning too, when the sight of him had been the only thing keeping Stephen's head from spinning out of control. Stephen had replied, in kind – thank you for always being here – and Dec had only held him tighter, as if he could hear the real sentiment.
It was harder to say it now, somehow. Even though Stephen knew it was true more than ever, it felt harder.
The kettle clicked off, prompting Dec to pull back, only to return with another chaste kiss. Their hands were interlocked, reluctant to let go, and everything felt too unbelievably right. Stephen didn't know why he ever tried to throw it all away,
"Enough of that," Dec chastised offhandedly, turning to the mugs laid out on the counter behind him. Stephen found himself smiling faintly at his disapproving tone, forever endeared to him with every little quirk.
When the water was in the mugs, steadily staining brown from the tea bags, Dec turned back again, his face burying readily against Stephen's neck, his smile twitching against his skin. Stephen's hand travelled the length of his spine and back again in response as he ducked his chin down to rest in the other man's hair.
"I'm glad you're here now," Dec whispered, emphasising the last word pointedly, "That's all that matters."
Stephen hummed quietly in agreement, trying to exist in that new now; that scary mixture of relief and fear.
He couldn't help but feel a weight lifting from his shoulders. He might not have been looking at the response, too tied up in surviving their week in the spotlight to face the criticism they were surely getting, but Dan said it was overwhelmingly positive; that people knew the real him now and they hadn't turned their backs.
But then there was everything else. He'd been busy, although that hadn't given him enough of an excuse to avoid the judges for another day. It had felt just a little awkward, like maybe they were confused or hurt that neither of them had ever said anything. Or maybe Stephen was just reading into everything too much nowadays.
And then there was the family.
"Are you checking your phone?" Dec asked spontaneously, surprising Stephen.
YOU ARE READING
As we fall apart
Fanfiction"Maybe it would be best if..." "What's that supposed to mean?" "I don't think I can do this anymore." It felt like it came out of nowhere. They'd had a lot to contend with for a long time but still, after it all, they'd had each other. Until they di...
