Heartless

Missing You.

Once I got to Barcelona, things were tough. But I knew I had to get through my 2 hour show, well, shows. It's been depressing, because I miss my babies and my husband so much, but I know I can't let that get on the way of anything. I promised John I would facetime him and the girls every night, but I honestly don't know how it will work.

________

"Goodnight Barcelona!!!" I shouted into my microphone, while exiting the stage.

"That was great!" About twenty people said to me at once. It's nothing new, but all I want right now is to see the heart warming faces of my guans and girls.

I quickly pushed past through a whole crowd of people, and headed towards my dressing room.

As my weak and tired body hit the couch, I picked up my phone and facetimed John. It was about 11 so he'll be awake. The time zones are totally different over here.

He quickly picked up and an ear to ear smile appeared on his face.

"Hey babe!" John said, making my heart beat faster than it already was. I can't help but love him.

"Hey." I replied, sounding weak and tired. But it's the truth. I am.

"What's up, honey?" He said, while he got into our bed. It made me miss lying there next to him. And having the comfort and the warmth he gave me.

"Nothing really." I sighed. He replied with a nod. I could tell we both felt awkward. It's weird being away from someone you love so much. And then just seeing their face appear on a phone screen makes everything worse. You almost feel like part of you was left behind, and you're not complete.

I suddenly broke the silence. "I miss you." I said, while looking down at my hands. They shook nervously, and that made me feel even more homesick.

He looked up at me with those big brown eyes, and that was the moment when the tears started to flow through my eyes, making them burn. I tried to fight them, but I lost the battle. I placed the phone down, not wanting him to know, but I could tell he knew what was happening.

"Katy?" He asked. His voice echoed through my head. It made me almost angry and frustrated that I couldn't be with him at this very moment.

"Should we maybe talk... tomorrow?" He asked. I breathed out heavily and spoke up. "No. I'm fine."

"Katy... I think it would only be for the best. Goodnight, love."

He hung up.

________

The next night went by, I finished my show like normal, and called him. But he didn't answer.

John's POV

I feel horrible for Katy, for my daughters, and even for myself. Scarlett wakes up every morning and asks me where her Mommy is. It breaks my heart. And I don't want these children to grow up and not know where their Mommy is half the time. Hopefully they'll eventually understand that their mother has a very busy life, and a crazy career. I hope that they'll realize that having a mother like that is a true gift. I want them to see how amazing their mother really is. And how many people she inspires every single day of her life. She's impacted my life as well as millions of people and hopefully our children. I hope they look up to her the way I did, and still do. She's an unstoppable woman, who has so much power and strength. I can't help but fall in love with her every time I look at her. No one will ever understand how much she means to me.

________

I drove Scarlett to school with Emma, and then headed back home.

When I got home I fed Emma, and them put her down for a nap. She seemed really tired, but she was still really energetic for a 3 month old.

I headed towards the office, and searched for my song notes. I have nothing to do during the day. Katy's probably sleeping or finishing up a show right now, so I don't want to bother her. She's always really busy, so I never expect much.

While I dug through some drawers, I suddenly found a photo of us at Katy's baby shower. It was when she was pregnant with Scarlett. Our first child. Those days will still be my most treasured, and saved moments. I'll never forget them. But they were also some of most horrible days. Our split that lasted a year. And I learned that a year was certainly enough for me. I couldn't ever stand being away from her for that long. I used to not eat or sleep for weeks. I thought that my life was nothing without Katy. She makes me so happy, and I never stop thinking about her.

I smiled down at the picture, and tried not to cry, but I couldn't help it.

"I miss you." I whimpered, and quickly dabbed the tears that slowly flew own my cheeks.

Katy's POV

I spend most of my days sleeping, and doing shows. It's a whole routine now. I can't stop myself from sleeping all day. Maybe I'm just depressed? I don't really know but I know it's nothing good. Each day is a struggle for me. I hate being away from them...

"I miss you." I whisper to myself, while staring at the ceiling of my hotel room. I turned over and examined the blank spot on the bed next to me. It was cold and empty. I imagined John, and how he would tickle me until I cuddled with him. And how he would laugh every time I smiled. Or how he would squeeze my cheeks after he kissed my nose. Being away from him is the worst possible thing.