Heartless

Lost Part II

He shut the door, and I heard his slow, heavy footsteps slowly make their way down the hall. My heart seamed to beat faster each time he got farther away. But I suddenly no longer heard him. He's gone. I swallowed the sudden lump that rose in my throat, when my back slammed against the door, and I slid down onto the ground. I feel so many things right now; frustrated, angry, depressed, free. I let out a loud sob, and placed my head in my hands. The sobs started to get more intense, and I was now balling on the floor. Alone. My makeup made its way off of my face, leaving my fingers completely black. My hands ran down the soft, familiar fabric of John's t-shirt, and I immediately bunched it up in my hands and tried to rip it off of me, but it only made a tear. My head hit the wall, and my fingers scratched the hotel room door. It was like a cry for help. I do admit, I need help. There's no way I'm going to get through this by myself.

I ended sleeping on the ground, and then waking up when it was time to get ready for my show.

"Katy? Katy.. get up. You have a show!" Johnny said through the door, while knocking. My back and neck ached; I had a miserable time getting up.

"Oh. Sorry about that." I said, while opening the door, and covering up my misery with a smile.

"What happened to you?" Jake asked. "Katy.. are you alright?"

"Yeah." I shrugged. "I'm fine. Just a bit tired, that's all."

He seemed to brush it off, and eventually Johnny had gotten my changed, so we made our way to the arena.

I got in the back of the bus, and stared out the window. My phone buzzed from my back pocket, and I cautiously picked it out. But I then realized it was just my mother, sending me a text about Emma and Scarlett.

They're so cute, Katy. I'm sure they would love to have a little brother or sister. It's just something to think about. - Mom

My body tensed up, but I had to reply. I couldn't lie, or hide from my mother, she is my mother. She would be so disappointed in me if I hid from her.
My hands shook non-stop as my fingers met the keyboard, making me type unimportant random letters. I deleted them all and slid my phone back into you pocket.

Tamra suddenly say next to me, and I could tell she seemed upset, almost like she was disappointed in herself.

"Look, Katy. I'm really sorry about what happened." She said. "I hope everything is still okay between you two, and I didn't mean to invade your person lives."

I stared at her. There's was desperation and guilt in her eyes, as she looked at me and placed her hand on my shoulder. "You didn't. Things aren't ok, Tam." I whimpered, as my voice got soft and quiet.

"Katy.. wh-what could you possibly mean?" She asked. She obviously knew the answers she was just too scared to actually say it. She knows how prone I am to this, and in the end I think it's all my fault.

"We're getting a divorce." I admit, and waved my hands in the air, pretending like its a joke, and even laughing a little. I want this to be a joke. I don't want it to be real.

"I'm so sorry, Katy." She said, and pulled me in for a hug. I cried into her shoulder, leaving small wet puddles on her black, leather jacket.

"I am too. I know this is gonna sound so crazy, but I'm sorry for myself. I'm sorry for John. I'm sorry my children.. I'm sorry for everyone. Because in the end, they're gonna have to put up with me, and the horrible things I've caused."

"Don't say that, Katy. You're bringing yourself down. I know this is so hard for you, but I promise I'll be here every step of the way. I'll be by your side whenever you need me to. We can work this out. I promise." She told me.

I hugged her when the bus stopped, and we arrived at the arena. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this show, but I know my heart can find a way.