Thrown Down

EVERYBODY Finds Out...

A few hours later, after I 1. figured out what exactly it was I actually wanted to say to Stevie and 2. I knew she was settled in, I went up to her room. When I approached the door, something made me stop from knocking. I heard a faint sound, at first unrecognizable, but soon after a few moments, I realized what the sound was. Stevie singing 'Frozen Love.' I thought my heart would nearly jump out of its skin right there. All I wanted to do in that moment was kiss her and tell her how I truly felt about her! But I knew that could never happen, so I decided to knock. I waited a moment for Stevie to answer the door and that's when I almost lost it. There she was, no makeup, hair cascading down the shoulders of her tiny frame, in her silk pajamas smiling sweetly at me to come in. I just wanted to kiss her, yet again, but I knew she would never let me. Get it together Linds, I remember telling myself multiple times that night.
After a few moments of silence, Stevie, one who could never (and still can't) handle silence very well, spoke first. "What brings you here Mr. Buckingham?" she asked me. "Well Stevie, I really think we need to talk." "What about Lindsey, is there really anything left to say." "Come on Steph, please don't be like this." "OH NO YOU DONT GET TO 'STEPH' ME MR!!" she said, at this point yelling. Before I lost my cool, I bit my tounge and said, "Okay Stevie, I am gonna talk, and your gonna listen. And then once I am all done with what I have to say, then you can reply, no interruptions. Deal?" I tried to ask as nicley as possible. She looked at me and patted the spot next her on the bed she was now occupying. I hesitantly walked over and sat awkwardly next to her. "Oh come on Lindsey, don't be shy, I won't bite! And it's not like we have never sat on the same bed." she said to me and I sheepishly smiled at her. " So do we have a deal?" I asked changing the subject rather quickly. "Yes, fine no interruptions. Get on with it will ya, I am tired." she said. 'Well here goes nothing, Buck.' I said inside my head.
"The reason I wanted to talk to you tonight Stevie, was because I wanted to tell you some very important things. I am not sure how you will react, but I hope you will be happy with what I have to say." she looked at me rather puzzled at this statement and so I continued without any explanation. "Years ago, you told me to grow up and make decisions that needed to be made. I never understood what you ment when you said it, but now I finally do. And so I have made some decisions, and I think I need to share these decisions with you." At this point Stevie looked like she had seen a ghost or something, she turned a new shade of pale on top of her already fair skin. "Lindsey...I...I..." "You nothing. You will stop looking like you have seen a ghost and you will listen. Remember, no interruptions. We had a deal miss." she just nodded at this point, still worried about what I was going to say. I could read her like a book, and I still can. I continued, "Like I was saying, I grew up and made some decisions. Kristen was served with divorce papers 4 months ago, and signed them 3 months ago. My children, Will and LeeLee are permitted to see me anytime I would like, and while they are too young to understand right now why this is happening, they will be okay with it. I have an appartment in San Jose currently all to myself. I have made some horrible mistakes in my past Stevie and I have hurt you so bad. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be the person who can comfort you and be with you all the time. Not the one who makes you cry and throw things like in the past. I want you Steph. It's always been you angel. No one else. I only married Kristen because I didn't know what to do after she told me she was pregnant and you told me to go. I don't want to go anymore Stevie. Please, don't make me go. Can you see it in your heart to forgive me in any way, and can we finally be together again. BuckinghamNicks. No interruptions. Just us, Just love? Please Steph, think about it." I was sobbing at this point, unsure how to control my emotions and unsure I actually cared if I was crying in front of her now. I looked up into those big, beautiful brown eyes of hers, searching for an answer, waiting to hear her speak. " Lindsey, I don't know what to even say to you right now. I can't even look at you. I think it is best if you leave. Get out. Now. I, we can't do this. Not here, not now, not ever." This was not the answer I was hoping for. I knew it would be hard to get her back, but never did I expect her to say "not ever." That was a slap in the face. "Steph wait, please let me explain." "No Lindsey. No. You don't need to explain anything. I got it all. Now have a good night." She opened the door to let me out, but me, being much stronger and bigger, slammed the door shut. "No Stevie. No. Not this time. BOTH OF US miss eachother. I see it on your face, hear it in your songs. Please let's talk." "I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU LINDSEY EXCEPT THAT YOU ARE AN ACCEPTIONAL IDIOT AND YOU BETTER HOPE YOU CAN GET THOSE DIVORCE PAPERS THROWN OUT AND KRISTEN WILL TAKE YOUR STUPID ASS BACK." Stevie screamed at me. "Now get the hell out of my room before I call security!" "Stevie we don't have security and this is a house. Please please can we talk." "I have nothing to say to you Lindsey."
"Well then I will talk." I said not knowing what to do at this point. I knew I couldn't leave her like this. I had to fight, show her I ment what I said. "Stevie, I am past the point of wanting you, I need you in my life. Like I said before and I will say a thousand times, It has always been you. It will never not be you. Please, find it in your heart to give us a chance again. One last chance. I know I can make it right this time." "Well what if I don't want to Lindsey. What if I ment it when I said Goodbye to you last time. I don't think my heart can handle another tornado of pain we seem to bring eachother. I can't and won't go through that again Linds, I just can't." She said practically on the floor in tears at this point. I rushed over to comfort her, but she pushed me away. " I ment it when I said get out Lindsey. I don't need your pity, I don't want it either." "Steph.." "DO NOT STEPH ME RIGHT NOW LINDSEY BUCKINGHAM." "Fine, STEVIE," I said yelling at this point "I just tried to comfort you becuase I hate to see you cry, but I guess I will just leave you in your tears because that is what every good guy does for someone he loves. Leaves them a mess" I said angrily. "DONT YOU DARE SAY YOU LOVE ME. YOU DONT MEAN IT." Stevie screamed through her tears. "DONT TELL ME SOMETHING WE BOTH KNOW IS NOT TRUE STEVIE. DONT PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH!" I shouted angirly and hurt. "GET OUT." "NO." "LINDSEY I MEAN IT GET THE FUCK OUT NOW." I was growing angrier and angrier by the second. "NO STEVIE NOT UNTIL WE TALK." " I don't have anything to say except leave." she sighed. "You, of all people, the girl of many words, have nothing to say to me, the one person you never seem to run out of words about." I said sarcastically. That did not go over well. "Okay Lindsey. Fine. You want words. Fine. Here they are. Get the fuck out of my room, never speak to me again, and have a good night. Goodbye Lindsey. There. There is your words." she angrily spat at me. I was taken back and figured she needed time to calm down, as did I, and I got up from my seat on the floor, and showed myself to the door. But before leaving, I turned around one last time that night, and looked at my sad Stevie on the floor, crying yet again. This is NOT what I expected to come out of this talk. I just wanted to run over to her and hold her, but knowing that wouldn't go over very well, I said, " Please think about us Steph, please. I know your hurt and angry right now, but please think about us." She said nothing and continued to sob a mess on the floor and I just turned away and shut the door behind me.
Little did I know that's all Stevie would be doing that night, thinking just about what I had said, getting no sleep. Hating me for all the pain I caused over the years, and all the pain she caused too. She would do nothing but lay on that floor and write in her now tear stained journal until she cried herself to sleep in the early hours of the morning.