Whatever

We dont work

All we want is each other's body, which was the arrangement. You want a presence, but our souls don't match. I don't know how long this will keep going before this fizzles out.

I feel like your trophy. Some pretty shiny thing you can stand next to and be proud of until the next one. I don't love you and I don't want to. You're not for me and I'm not for you.

We wanna play pretend. I want a friend, who can read our bodies and love our souls in a different way. But let's not act like we have that. Because the direction you're trying to steer this is but one in comfortable with.

The thing is, is I'm not sure where your actually taking this. If this truly was only lust, then you would only text me at 2am and I'd do the same. You wouldn't tell me I'm beautiful without makeup and kiss me first thing in the morning when we wake up. You wouldn't lay your head on my lap or cuddle me before going to sleep. You wouldn't keep complimenting me with no lustful undertone like you do.

I'd be ok if you said you didn't love me, because that's what I signed up for, but it's so hard to know what you're thinking. What do you want me to give you? I'm not sure if it's my soul or my body your after. what is it you want from me?

Maybe this is all on me. After all, you're the first person I can't read like an open book. I can't control you like a puppet. I don't know all the right buttons to press. Maybe this is all just because I'm so used to control instead of sharing power. Maybe because this doesn't feel like a game to me. I see you as a person and not a toy. You have interests, you are smart, incredibly respectful and unpredictable. I can't remember the last time someone simply asked me if they could kiss me, probably because you're the first.

None the less you confuse me, and I'm afraid I'm the reason we don't work.