The Burden of Proof

chapter 11

it's late.
its late and im tired. I'm tired of this and I'm tired of that , and I'm drunk on the memories I never had.
It's late.
It's late and the only people that are ever awake at this time are the lonely and the in love , and tonight I think im both.
LETS SEE WHAT I SOUND UNEDITED AND LOSING MEMORY YAY

Tentatively smiling at each other , I was scared to break whatever it is , we have or might have , I realize I don't even know his name. I lean closer to ask , and that's when I see I can't , because we are already close enough to brush arms and shoulders and legs , and that moving closer would force our faces even closer ,
and I am not that friendly.

Turns out his name is Dan. Dan. Not short for Daniel or even Danika. D a n. I like it. Shortly after I learnt his name , I happened to glance back towards the dance floor , like an afterthought almost and I saw the curious looks I was getting and I could suddenly see myself from my friends point of view. I stepped back. Way back.

I didn't even know him , we barely talked , in fact , we barely are talking and the fact that I may like his name and his jaw and his shirt (with my favorite band on it) , would not change that. It wouldn't. Because why ? I was Bella and the possibility of love or happiness for me in a real boy , was a fictional thought in itself. I stare at him , now from a longer distance , and I only now notice how quiet he is and I can't help but wonder what he's thinking and whether or not he would ever tell me.

We had talked about his name and my name , and I said he liked his shirt and his eyes light up like a bonfire. He was into bands , cool bands. He figured himself to not be particularly grand at anything and I figured he was being modest. He asked about my accent and horrified , asked if I had Ebola and about whether the population of giraffes was high where I lived. He loved giraffes because they were not common in Ireland and I now knew , that I liked Irish boys because they were not common in Africa.

Surprisingly enough , this conversation was brief enough to keep me curious and keep him a mystery. I made an excuse about friends wanting me back , knowing full well that they couldn't care less if I talked to a boy , in fact , probably would encourage it. Then , remembering my motives , attempted to convince him on coming with.

"Please , it's really just shuffling , I mean you see prisoners do it all the time !"
"Except now it's to a rhythm and really , I am the most awkward person in the whole world so no. Thank you , but no"
He was stern and I glared at him , reconstructing a plan of persuasion. Now , I didn't like him , hell , I didn't even know him , but I sure am friendly and no one , I repeat , no one , leaves a fellow awkward , band lover on the side of a dance floor.

I dragged him , his heels dug into the patterned floor (again ?) , protesting as I led him with determination over to my group. "My group" I say , as if I hadn't just met them , let alone know their surnames. Oops. Finally , after a minute or so of quietly protesting , he was immersed into a now silent group of people , staring collectively at him and I felt so bad , I almost wanted to throw him a life preserver to stop him from floundering.

I looked around and upon further inspection , noticed a few new editions. Now look who's friendly ? I saw a Dan lookalike , Sid the Australian charmer , Lucas , and of course , Clifford , Sophia and the twins. Wait. There was one more. I reeled back in shock as I saw duck haired boy , still sporting his comical clothing , somehow looking at ease and uncomfortable at the exact same time. Now that's talent.

Dan looked more than unhappy , a fish out of water in the most literal and figurative sense imaginable. Upon seeing Hunter , his stress visibly lifted and I saw a glimpse of the boy I had seen leaning against the video game. He really was shy. Shyer than I had thought. My friendliness , always mistaken for flirting (which can led to very unplanned situations a lot of the time) , was accepted by him , but reluctantly , holding back as if he had something to lose. He had talked to many girls , I had seen , and he was friendly enough to everyone for me to be overlooked and I wasn't sure why a wave of disappointment had hit me , and I wasn't going to try figure it out.

Nevertheless , thanks to my internal need to want to fix people , I now had one thing in mind. I was going to find out why he was holding back and how much. I was going to help and study and in turn , become his friend. He was like me , but with the volume turned way up and I was envious of that. Not only was I going to be his friend simply because he needed it but didn't know , but also because I wanted to. And that , was that.

I always believed words should be raw and then in turn, they would sound poetic , and I'm afraid this is as raw as I can get.