"Murad, I wanted to talk to you." I said as I came inside Murad's chambers, after I almost started fighting with hasodabaşa, because he didn't want to let me in.
Murad sat on his throne on his terrace and looked at the sky. He didn't say anything when I came nor he even looked at me.
I sat next to him and took his hand in mine and made him look at me finally. But only thing I saw in his eyes was sadness and coldness.
" My heart is breaking when I look at you like this." I said to him as I felt sadness when I saw him sad.
He just removed his hands from mines and moved his look away from me and he continued to look at the sky.
" Why did you come?" He asked me coldly. I never saw him being so cold towards me, as he is now.
" Do you blame me for that the same way your mother does?" I asked him while my heart was breaking into million of pieces.
"Of course it is not your fault. Ayse killed herself when she found out for our marriage, and that's when she decided to kill herself and the children." Murad said and I could recognise sadness and hurt in his voice.
" I will never understand how she could do that. Why did she do that to poor children?" I said. As a mother I could never even raise a hand over my children.
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" Everything is my fault. I am guilty. It's my mistake that my Hanzade and Ahmed aren't here with us anymore. I will always feel guilty and wrong for that." Murad said and he almost started crying.
Murad was so strong man which barely could show his emotions, this was the first time I saw him being on the edge of tears.
" This is not your fault, Murad. Don't you blame yourself. Ayse wrote that letter on purpose to make you feel guilty. What kind of mother was she when she could do something bad to her children?" I said to him as I felt sad now too. Poor children didn't deserve this.
" If she didn't find out about marriage, she wouldn't kill them." Murad said, and he made me feel like he feels that marriage was a mistake.
" So you want to say that you regret marrying me?" I said to him and looked up at him with my eyes filled with tears.
" I don't regret marrying a woman I love most in the world. You are my whole world." he said and kissed my forehead gently and took me into hug.
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" I wanted to ask you for something, Murad. Your Valide didn't find this suitable, but I wanted to know your opinion." I said to him and he just nodded me to continue speaking.
" I want to take care of Ismihan Kaya. She is still a baby and she stayed without a mother. I don't want her to be taken care of by Kalfas, I want to take care of her. I will look at her equally as all of my children." I said to him and I saw his face brighten up.
" Of course I allow you that. I want you to look at her like pupil in your eye. I trust you and you are only one I could allow to do it. " he said and kissed my lips, until we fell asleep in his chambers.
Early in the morning Murad had to leave for political meeting, and I decided to leave for finding my sister Vika, which was now Zarife.
Haci-aga promised he will help me to find her, but that I have to keep that in secret, because if Kosem Sultana hears about it she will be really angry on him.
Haci leaded me to Kafes where Şehzade Ibrahim was locked and obviously Zarife was there with him. I couldn't believe how Kosem could let her be his concubine when the rules forbid Princes of having concubines.
I entered the room in Kafes and I saw her sitting there on the sofa. She stood up and bowed to me, and she didn't even look at my face because she seemed to be afraid of Sultanas.
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"Vika?" I said as I almost couldn't recognise her as she already grow up and wasn't so young anymore.
"Aleksandra?" she looked at me and stayed shocked after she saw me and recognised my voice.
I ran into her hug as I missed my sister really a lot, I tried to hide all the sadness because I knew if Murad finds out about this she will get punished.
" You are Şehzade Ibrahim's concubine now?" I asked her when I saw her having a hand on her belly as I knew what this means already.
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" Yes, and I am preganant. By God's will, soon Ibrahim and I are going to have a child." she said, but she felt kinda embarassed in front of me.
" You know you must keep that in secret, because this is forbidden." I said to her as I took her hands in mine.
" I heard you are Sultan Murad's wife, is this true?" she asked me.
" Yes, and I am mother of his three sons." I said to her with a smile because I was already happy at the mention of Murad.
" How can you be with that traitor who locked Şehzade Ibrahim here in Kafes. What kind of brother he has to be?" Vika, now Zarife, said angrily.
" Those are the rules and we are not here to change them." I said to her and stepped back. She looked at me weirldy like she has never before.
" Don't tell your husband about this, Kosem Sultana said we must keep this child. In case something happens to Sultan Murad, that Ibrahim can ascand the throne and have a heir." she said and each of her words shocked me. How could Kosem think of that way? Was she ready to do something to Murad?
" Sultan Murad has three healthy sons of which one can ascend his throne." I said to her.
" Aren't you happy about my pregnancy?" Zarife asked me and raised her head. I couldn’t imagine my sister would turn her behaviour so quickly. She was never like this.
" I am happy for you but this is forbidden and you could lead yourself to serious problems." I said to her with a fake smile, because I didn't want her to think that I am not happy.
" Take care of yourself and keep this in secret. Don't trust Kosem Sultana a lot, because soon she will turn against you when you can't bring her any favour anymore." I whispered to her while I was leaving Kafes.
