I was bored. Even though I was playing on my waterslide for ages. My friend Hunter O' Brien had come over, so we were just talking. "Your a goddamn totem pole, that's what you are. And your brain is the size of a peanut. Oh how I just want to shove a vacuum cleaner up your assho-" "Soooooooonaaaaaaaaaa, your a flat-chested bum with a donut for a butthole!" "Why dont you eat my butthole then if it looked like a chocolate-sprinkled donut then you motherfucking bitc-" "Shut up you bum-face you offend me just by looking at me!" "Your ass looks like Lord Farquard your BUM is a SQUARE and I swear I saw the light of Jesus when I saw that hairball!" "Hey guys I'm back!" shouted Michael. Hunter was 6 ft 5, and I was 5 ft 9, so even though we are BOTH totem poles, Hunter is like literally out of reach. And Michael is 5 ft 7, that little banana shaped alien. Michael threw a newspaper at me. "I'm not fucking 85 bitch we have the iNtErNeT" "Bitch read before I smack your ass-" "Fine bUnNy SlIpPeRs! I will!" I looked at the front cover in horror. There was a picture of me shouting at the 25-something year old man, and there was the headline, 'Twin Sona REVEALS That Reality TV Shows Are FAKE?'. "Weeeeeeeell, It's sorta a good thing, yunuh, then people can sue the companies and we can watch REALITY on the telly!" Hunter said, trying to sound happy. Michael and I just stared at him blankly. "Yea, great." I said, sarcastically.
"I'm 99% angel, but ohhhh, that 1%." I said to the reporters and cameras outside my garden. "I need people to know! Some secrets are too juicy to stay in your head, if they do they become brain juice and your officially mind-fucked. Some people are just some beautifully wrapped boxes of shit, so take this from me, don't give me a script to live with? Diana, your a fucking whore who has sex with people to get money. Yea bitch, I bet 3 year old me wasn't so smart now!" Then I walked inside. I immediately got a phone from Diana and a text that said 'Sorry! Sona! We'll talk this afternoon?'. I put on my bitch costume (metaphorically) and cut the call, then responded with a 'bitch i aint fucking coming to your house you go and get yourself some money with some 60 year old man bitch i aint got time for your shit' and deleted her number. Bitch she been forcing people to share a fake life? Oh fuck Diana.
YOU ARE READING
Your Pretty Face Won't Get You Anywhere
HumorMichael literally needs to impress me. Once I told him that tuxedos make me weak, he's been sending me pics of just that. By the way, did you know I'm a millionaire? Well, billionaire. But I just found out a big secret about my family, that may incl...
