Your Pretty Face Won't Get You Anywhere

Chapter 34-Exploring With A Weird Teacher

I'm not American so bear with me.

We all know that Cleda is the weirdest of the group-short, cute, and extremely stupid. But lucky me (I mean unlucky) had another weirdo in store. I wanted to go out shopping for some new sneakers for my meeting this afternoon when a woman in her 20's ran up to me out of the Nike store. She had a blue, puffy jacket, white sneakers with the Nike tick on them, and a white top with dark teal jeans. She was blond-haired, pale-skinned, and had a cream patch on her eye. She had a label on her neck, it looked like the thing teachers wear, and It said 'Miss Carrie Wilson' on it in the classic 'Comic Sans' font, and each letter was rainbow. She bumped into me and then looked me up and down. My birthday was tomorrow so I was looking for something to wear when I'm officially 19, but now there's an American woman in my face. "Hey babe! Want some candy?" Bitch I'm not 12. "Go fuck off." I replied. Then a few children-wait, why is there a whole year group of kids about 12? Like, there were 21 in one class and then a teacher and 30 then a teacher. They were screaming, chattering, and throwing sticks at each other as they walked past the corner and stopped and shushed when they reached her. She turned around and shouted at a kid who was pulling a girl's hair and putting bubble gum in it. "Georgie! Take that gum out of Olivia's har and throw it in the trash! Now!" Then she held a short kid at the front's hand and smiled at me. "We're going on a trip around the city centre. Wanna come? I know y'all British with the top hats and the tea with the old Queen and rain, but I'm sure you know what chips mean. Want some?" "Um sure...do you like Pringles?" She tilted her head in confusion. "Chips are fries...Pringles don't serve 'em." I was confused. I wanted to sound American but no...I had clearly failed. "Erm...well maybe I could have some fries? French fries?" A few kids in the middle giggled then the small kid turned around-nearly 180-and pressed his finger onto his lips and made a very loud 'shhh!' noise. She bent down and told him to stop, then he turned around with his head bent. "Sure! By the way, where is your other half?" I sighed, then pointed to the black lambo behind me. "In there." He came out with a white hoodie with rainbows on the side, matching joggers and white Nike trainers. I had the same outfit. He was glued to his phone screen, then he looked up and smiled at me. 

Me and 'my other half' followed-actually, we were surrounded by children. Carrie walked in front with a girl around her height and the boy in her other hand who she was tickling gently on his back and his neck. One boy barged in under my armpit. "Is it really rainy in Britain? Does everyone wear top hats?" We looked at each other, then back at the boy. "No. Top hats are crap-I mean bad. Shouldn't be sweari-You know what? I don't care. Posh idiots wear 'em, but nah we ain't. Plus tea is the ultimate best-but after that it's Monster Energy Drink. The legend. Oh, and we invented the flushy toilet. Did ya know that? I'm sure ya know that. Oh and it rains like hell. The skies are grey 24/7 except in Summer, but then bees decide to cram your house and spiders crawl. Britain sucks. Can't forget the flies, but whatever." The boy looked shocked and then mouthed 'flushy toilet?' in awe. "Yup, flushy toilets." Michael looked at me. "It's 'the flushing toilet'." "Go fuck yourself." I said, and a chorus of 'oooooooooooohhhh!" began for like 5 seconds until Carrie stopped and turned around. "Be quiet or we can go back to the bus." The children went back into a bumpy line with only a few next to us. It was eerily quiet from them now. She continued into a large gift shop, full of goodies and space stuff, fake nails and toys, massive teddy bears and wrapping paper, it was heaven! The children ran in with wallets that had a school logo on with a blue background, and some remained on the ground. Carrie picked them up and walked inside. "Anyone lost their wallets? Charlie is this yours? It said Char-no that's Charlotte's. Zoe! No stealing! Your wallet's here! Again! Anyone lost their-Okay children only 30 minutes in the shop and then line up outside!" We barged in with our cards and walked up to the space aisle, where a few children looked at and chatted. "No talking please! Only 3 items, no more!" she said. I picked a space tee, a matching space hoodie, some galaxy socks, a holographic and 3D space poster, some planet stickers and a galaxy, glitch effect notebook with a black pen. Michael just got the socks and some glitchy space badges. Then we walked up to the counter and tapped the card, plopped them into a red carrier bag that said in fancy white writing, 'BricABrac & Co' on it, with the slogan 'Random Things For Random People' in a normal font. A few mins later, each child grabbed a bag or held 3 things and was in a line, with the teacher holding a fruit cart full of blue wallets. We followed her again to another store, but to get some food and to eat from lunchboxes. They sat on the benches in the sunlight and ate their lunches, while Carrie took the kids who didn't bring lunchboxes into the restaurant. They came out with trays and bags full of food, and some of them asked us to try their lunch while her back was turned.

Once the children finished their trip around the city centre, they clutched empty lunchboxes, bags, and photos with their wallets in the fruit cart. They climbed into the big bus and the fruit cart was visible through the window when she ran up to me and added her number to mine. "See ya someday bestie. Text me every day!" Then she quickly clambered into the bus and left, with children's hands waving and poking their heads or arms out of the windows. The bus turned into a blob then a spot and then a speck, and soon it had disappeared from view. Me and Michael walked back to the lambo. I just realised his name is still TuxedoMan3000...