Your Pretty Face Won't Get You Anywhere

Chapter 16-I can finally cook now? Or nah?

I placed him on the kitchen top and opened up Google from my phone and tapped fiercely. Then I placed it by the stove and brought out a pan. "Bussin' out the pan!" I shouted, as I turned the stove on. I was generally scared about this, but if I didn't make homemade spaghetti he would literally start crying then everyone would blame me then my mum would whip out the slipper then Alfonso would stay here forever and squeeze my butt everyday and I would have to move to Mars-not the chocolate. So I took a deep breath and plopped in the spaghetti when short-ass Cleda decided to video call me on the iPad. I quickly snatched it from him-and of course I said sorry-and then accepted it. "Hey Cleeds-mah pee, how's it going being a 'shawty'?" I teased, as I stirred the spaghetti in the pan. "Shut up tall-pee, we all know your gonna burn that kitchen down now. I'ma whip out the Bible if you don't stop this second. I'MA WHIP OUT THE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING BIBLE AND PRAY TO THE FUCKING KITCHEN IF YOU FUCKING CONTINUE COOKI-" "HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DID YOU FUCKING SAY FUCKING IN THE FUCK OF YOUR FUCK OF A FUCKING FUCK OF A GARDEN MOTHERFUCKER???" "THE FUCKING FUCK BRO!" she squealed.

I. Am. A. Fucking. Responsible. Adult. Basically I can cook without burning the kitchen. Or one of the five kitchens. Just kidding, but imagine if I did, then if I burnt one then I wouldn't have to worry about anything. YES! Ooh that'd be nice. Colin sat on the table with his cutlery and was ready to eat, as I gave out my perfect spaghetti on a plate. Colin is literally my good luck. Then I slurped up the damn thing in a second when Colin just stared at me gobble it all up like a monkey. He laughed uncontrollably and nearly fell off when I looked at him with half of the whole meal in my mouth. Yum. The 'noodle-juice', the yumminess, that tastiness, damn this was heaven. I DAMN well knew its was heaven.