not in the same way || c.h.

41

  It's been about a week and she still hasn't woken up yet. The doctors said that she's getting better quickly and when she's well enough she should wake up on her own or something.

  Everyone comes in everyday. Her grandparents have come in too but they won't let Noah come just because he's super young. He hasn't seen her in a couple weeks and apparently he's throwing tantrums now because he wants to see her so bad.

  I talk to them a lot when they come in because they don't actually hate me. I think Kendall, Avery, and Zoe are somewhat fine with me. And maybe even Michael and Ashton too, but I can tell Luke still hates me even if he doesn't say anything to me anymore.

  I've talked to her every day about everything. I tell her I love her every single day at least 100 times, hoping that she hears me. I haven't told her the important things just in case she can't hear me. It's kind of a long story so it'll just be a waste of air, plus I want to actually have a conversation with her when I tell her this stuff.

  I've been sitting at her bedside all day today hoping she'll wake up or move or anything. It was getting pretty late though and I was getting exhausted. So at around 11:30 I fell asleep in the cot that the nurses gave me since I've been staying here pretty much every night now.

  I woke up the next morning to the sound of coughing and choking. When I sat up and opened my eyes I saw two nurses at either side of Brenna's bed taking the breathing tube out of her mouth and helping her. Once I saw that she was awake I jolted up from the bed and helped the nurses help her.

"How are you feeling Brenna?" Nurse Josie asked and put the breathing tube down on the metal tray while Nurse Lauren gave her some water.

"My stomach hurts a lot." She groaned with her voice sounded extremely scratchy and dry.

"We'll give you some more morphine to ease the pain. We're gonna clean your incision now so it doesn't get infected. We've been cleaning it a few times a day for the past week and it's getting a lot better already. You've been healing very well Brenna." Nurse Lauren said and grabbed the stuff that they've been using to clean her incision.

"Okay." She said and lifted up her gown to they could clean everything.

  The whole time Brenna focused on the nurses and what they were telling her. They were just updating her on how she was doing and when she could go and stuff like that. She looked at me a couple times here and there so I at least knew she knew I was here with her.

"Have you been here every night?" Brenna asked and looked down at the cot the nurses gave me once they left the room.

"Uh yeah actually... I'm so sorry Brenna." I said sincerely and shoved my hands in the pockets of my sweatpants.

"I know." She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"You do? How?" I asked and looked down at her in confusion.

"I heard everything. Everything you said, everything everyone else said. I heard and felt it all." She said and kept her eyes down on the bed.

"So you know how sorry I am and you know how much I love you. I love you Brenna, I do. I know that I messed up in a way that's unforgivable but I need you to forgive me. You're the only person I've ever loved, the only person I want to love, and the only person I want to love me." I said and held her small hand gently in mine and sat down on the bed next to her.

"Well clearly I've had a lot of time to think, and no time to scream at you. So that was in your favor. If I wasn't forced to listen to you for eight days then there would be absolutely no chance that I'd ever forgive you. I'm still mad, and I don't fully trust you anymore either. I can forgive you, but I can't let it go or just get over it right away. If you want to be with me then you have to prove it this time. I'm not letting you walk all over me and I'm not going to let you take advantage of me and my love ever again. This is the last chance I'm giving you, if you hurt me again I'm done. I can't keep doing this with you." She said seriously and looked into my eyes.

"I'll never hurt you again I promise. And for the record, you never let me walk all over you in the first place." I said which made her scoff out a laugh and shake her head at me.