not in the same way || c.h.

23

"Fucking hell Brenna." Calum panted as he collapsed on the bed next to me for the fourth time tonight. The sun was coming up by now and it was very clear that I wouldn't be attending class today.

I was addicted to him. And he seemed to be just as addicted to me too. I couldn't control myself around him, and it was like a completely different version of me was born tonight. I've never been like this before, but I wasn't complaining.

"I'm exhausted." I panted and closed my eyes as exhaustion took over me.

"Me too." He breathed out and brought his arm up to cover his face.

"Get some rest, I'm not done with you today." He said a few minute later and turned over on his side to face me.

"You do this all the time don't you?" I asked and turned on my side to face him while covering myself with blankets.

"Yes, but not like this." He said and moved a loose strand of hair out of my face. The two of us talked about random things for a little while. Then we ended up falling asleep as we heard the birds chirping and watched the night sky turn to gold.

///

  When I woke up Calum was still fast asleep. He always seemed to sleep in longer than I did. I decided not to wake him up and just go on my phone. I saw literally a hundred texts from everyone asking me where I was and why I wasn't home or in class.

  I know that if I told them what happened they'd think I was insane. But then if I didn't they'd get pissed and end up forcing it out of me anyway. So I just texted them and told them me and Calum made up and I spent the night at his apartment.

  After about an hour Calum started to stir, and eventually turned towards me with his eyes still closed.

"How long have you been up?" He asked sleepily and hugged his pillow.

"About an hour, I figured I'd let you sleep." I said and laid my phone down on my chest.

"Thank you for that." He said which made me chuckle a bit.

"My friends were wondering where I was last night and why I never came home." I said while he just hummed in response and kept his eyes closed.

"They kinda hate you you know." I said with a slight laugh while he just shrugged his shoulders.

"Well they're good friends then, I'd probably hate me too." He mumbled.

"I don't hate you." I said matter of factly while he rubbed his eyes and eventually opened them to look at me.

"You should, I'm not right for you." He said truthfully which made my heart sink.

"But I don't, and you don't know what's right for me." I said seriously and stood up from the bed to get dressed.

"I know what's right for someone like you, and it's not me." He said and fell on his back and stretched.

"That's what you think." I said and sat on his bed after throwing on his shirt and my underwear.

"No, I should be with one of the girls from the warehouse right now." He said and stood up to put his boxers on. I just watch him with a hurt look on my face and felt my chest get tight.

"So why aren't you then?" I asked and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Because I don't want to be with them, I want to be with you. I just shouldn't be with you, and you shouldn't be with me." He said and climbed back into his bed.

"Why do you think that? You don't know what's right for me, only I do." I said and brought my knees up to my chest.

"I'm just gonna hurt you. Whether it's something I do or something my dad does, you're gonna get hurt. I'm not made for relationships, you should just do yourself a favor and go." He said with a heavy sigh.

"You were the one that told me to break up with your boyfriend, now you're telling me to go?" I asked and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yes." He said and stared up at the ceiling.

"No." I said firmly.

"What?" He asked and looked over at me with a look of surprise.

"I'm not going." I said and laid back down next to him.

"You're gonna get hurt Brenna." He said with a stern look.

"One day you're telling me to stay with you and the next you're telling me to go. You're sending me mixed signals here and I don't fuck with it. I'm doing what I want, I'm not listening to you when you're just gonna tell me two different things." I said firmly.

"The selfish part of me wants you to stay but the one that cares about your well-being is telling you to go. I care about you Brenna I do, that's why I'm telling you to go." He said in frustration and stood up and left his room.

"And I care about you Calum, that's why I'm not going." I said and followed him out to the kitchen where he was grabbing himself a drink.

"Damnit Brenna I'm trying to protect you here and you're being so damn stubborn." He said loudly and slammed the carton of orange juice down on the counter.

"I don't need to be protected from you. You're a nice guy Calum, you've shown me that you care about me multiple times. Why are you doubting yourself?" I asked and walked over to him and stood on the other side of the island than where he was.

"Because I'm not boyfriend material. I'm an asshole, I'm selfish, and I won't be able to give you the things you want. Let's not forget that my dad is the leader of a gang and can do whatever the fuck he wants to you and not face any consequences for it. I won't be able to live with myself if I'm the reason you get hurt." He shouted and waved his hands around dramatically.

"Do you like me Calum?" I asked and crossed my arms over my chest.

"What?" He asked and knitted his eyebrows together.

"Do you like me?" I asked and gave him a questioning look.

"Of course I do, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out Brenna." He said with a scoff.

"I don't care what you say Calum. You want me and I want you." I said and made my way around the island so I was standing right in front of him.

"You make it so hard to want to stay away from you." He said with a frustrated sigh.

"That's the point." I said and wrapped my arms around his torso. He was still for a second, but then he hesitantly wrapped his arms around me tightly. Maybe he didn't think he'd be able to love someone. Maybe that's one of the reasons he wants me to go. But that's okay because I'll make it my mission to teach him how to love.