Evanstan One shots

Jealous Of You

WARNING: long ass chapter

I didn't mean for it to happen, it slipped out.
I can feel my anger suddenly disappear along with my facial expression. Liz can obviously see that as her offended look rests to concerned. "Sebastian... "
I nodded quickly, "I know. I know. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."

She shook her head, "look. I know you didn't but you can't just say things like that and expect to be forgiven so quickly."
"I don't, Liz. I just apologize so you know I don't mean it. It's your choice to forgive me. I don't mean for it to sound like I'm using you because you're the only who's stayed no matter what has came out of my mouth but just know in the moment of anger, I don't mean it."

Words hurt. It's hurt many of my friends. Liz is the only one who has been around no matter what. Scarlett tolerates me and Tom, dorm roommate, only speaks to me when I'm calm and happy. I ended destroying Anthony and I's friendship when I had yelled at him and hit personally involving his family that he had told me in confidence. He hasn't spoken to me since. To this day, I don't remember what the argument was about.

Liz has had a lot more patience with me. Spending so time trying to help and ending getting yelled at by me, telling her I don't need help. Especially not hers. But what I think hurt her this time is telling I don't need her help and she should stopped trying to fix everybody else just so she ignore the fact that she needs to fix herself and face the trauma she is continuing on neglecting, like her ex who which took advantage of her last year in the one of bathrooms at this "holy building they call a college".

The campus staff completely ignored her statement and just moved her ex to the college that was 5 miles away from them.

Liz grabbed her bag and looked at me, "I'm sorry if it seemed like I was trying to pressure into fixing you. I need to walk away before I say something I may regret. That's how I would do it. To avoid hurting you. Take notes"
Then she left me alone in my dorm.

*****
Being the most hated guy isn't the worse. People leave you alone and yet you're the center of attention. I'm not bragging about the rumors and rude comments about me that float through the campus grounds. I just like to be left alone.
Just like now, I'm alone in the library. Not completely but I have a whole four-chair desk to myself for study hall. I take this time to scroll through and proof read my essay

The light rain outside gives me a sense of calmness and the quiet conversations would make it a little better if I didn't speak English or understood it. I hear what sounds like two girls mumbling and they suck at it.

"I heard Elizabeth finally called it quits on him. He got real personal. Just like in freshman year with Mackie. Poor guy can't hold a friend."
The second girl sighs to her friend, "it's just men in general, Gina"
"Not true! Have you spoken to the other guys here like Mackie? He can take me anywhere anytime. Such a true gentleman", she giggled.
"You think....anyone had ever crushed on Sebastian?"
I turn my head to the direction of where the voices were coming from. I see two girls standing by the window that was only a foot away from me. One of the girls met my gaze which caused her to grab her friend's arm and rush her to either a different part of the library or to leave.
I got back to reading my essay and finishing up on some homework.

*****
Being alone has its pros and cons just as much as being a favorite or just straight up popular. The pros is you're alone and can't hurt anyone or yourself. Cons, you can't help but beat yourself up whether it is your fault or not about how low you are and have no one to fall back on. When the silence gets too loud, you are reminded of how lonely you are. No one to call or text. You could disappear for days and no one will know you ended up missing or worse, they say "good riddance". That's how I picture my death if I were to die tomorrow or finally call it quits. They would celebrate or don't even know until my decomposing body gives a smell that no one can ignore in the dorms and the dorm hall security checks my room.