Evanstan One shots

Just Love Me Forever

I'm not into romantic gestures. The corny comments, the "heartfelt poetry" along with a dying flower that symbolizes love.
The honeymoon phase we go through every new relationship we get. The beginning is just different from the last and that's why the ending hurts us more. I have seen and went through it all. It's just a repeating cycle until one of us gets tired and settles down with "the one" and carries their dying flame to their graves only to have it blown out when they close their eyes one last time.

Who knows where we go from there?

That's why I watch Chris so intently. He keeps our shared bedroom so bright even when it's close to midnight. His arms wrapped around me like a straight jacket yet my arms are free to roam if I didn't want to be squeezed.
But I return the touch as it is the most warm place I know. I watch him look at me, admiring what he sees like he's looking at an artistic masterpiece.
I'm no masterpiece but he holds and looks at me like I'm the most expensive sculpture in the gallery.

Whether I don't agree with he sees or not, I still melt in his arms and turn red like a rose when he stares at me like I'm the only love he's ever known.
But I stare at him just the same.
He is the masterpiece in this world. A lost angel who happened to end up here.
I am not the best for him but I am comfort for the road.

I squeeze him and shoved my face into his bare chest. His scent filling my nose, the scent of cologne that still sticks to his skin even after a long day of work.
I feel him move his hand on the back of my head and place a kiss on my head.
In these moments, words are just the bare minimum. Our hands and arms simply do the talking for us. Our soft breaths remind us of the loving silence that screams just enough for us to still understand.
Soft sounds of comfort affection letting each other we wouldn't have it any other way.
And I am hopelessly in love with him.

I'm not into romantic gestures because its a gateway to attachment. Once I grow attach, every change of Chris's behavior will cause a wave of anxiety. I will go into an internal panic as something as small as him not kissing me all day. Or not a single loving word comes out of his mouth.
I'm not into romantic gestures but my love is a romantic himself.
He will go from making me dinner to giving me gifts. Taking me out and spoiling me whenever I felt down.
I lie to myself to keep from growing attached but the love for him is betraying me.

I moved my face up into his neck, I wasn't aware I was squeezing him so tightly until he broke the silence. "Baby, you squeeze me any tighter, you're gonna suffocate me"
His tired voice was like a melody sang with a sweet and low tone.
I loosen my grip just a bit to feel him breathe deeply. He starts to stroke my hair and whisper to me, "you squeeze me like I'm gonna disappear"
I shifted a bit, "sometimes, I think you might do that if I loosen my grip on you just a little bit. I don't want you go anywhere without me."
Selfish, I know but I have put my mark on this man. I may fear the worst but I have gone through enough getting to where I am now.
I hear his soft chuckle, "you're so sweet, baby. But, I'm not going anywhere. I'm always going to be right here"

Words are easy to spread yet can cause more damage when used improperly. But his actions settled the over thinking as he lifted my chin and kissed me. Stroking my cheek as my heart started to beat quickly.
He's making difficult not to fall in love so deeply.

********
Winter is harsh when you don't live the higher class of apartments and if the snow gets too heavy, say goodbye to your heat working.
We learned after the first year of living there that we needed to buy a space heater in order to stay warm enough to not freeze to death.

I come into our apartment and notice it was almost as cold as it was outside. I close the door quickly and immediately get the space heater.
I never get to do nice things for Chris because he always ends up being home before me. But this time, I was the first one home.
I turn on the space heater and make sure there was no openings around the windows to let the cold in.