escape | jade west

without her [18]

Y/N's pov:

I ended up dropping Tori off at her place and going home. Since we didn't eat at Nozu, I was still hungry. I went to the kitchen and grabbed some snacks to fill myself up. I sat on the couch in the living room and turned on the TV. I was about to put my phone away, but then, I got a text.

Tamara

Hey Y/N :)

Why was Tamara texting me? We haven't talked in ages. I was a bit weirded out, but I had nothing against her, so I texted back.

Y/N

Hi, what's up?

Tamara

I overheard Jade talking to someone about you, so just thought I'd let you know.

That text made me interested. I was wondering what Jade said about me and who she was talking to. 

Y/N

What was she saying exactly?

Tamara

She kept repeating the words "I messed up", but I have no idea what she meant. Well, I'm sure you know what it's about.

Y/N

Mhm, alright.

Tamara

Are you ok though? The tone in Jade's voice made it clear that she did something bad to you.

Y/N

I could be better, but I'll be fine.

Tamara and I continued talking for many hours. We drifted from talking about Jade and continued on talking about the most random things. Not gonna lie, it felt nice. It kept me distracted from everything that was happening. From everything I was feeling.

I was curious if Tamara still had feelings for me. Of course, I didn't ask. That would be too straightforward. Besides, I didn't wanna know just yet. It was nice talking to her and knowing her feelings might mess things up. If she did like me, it would be torture, knowing I'm very much in love with Jade. Though I was kind of hoping that would change soon, since Tamara was back in my life.

Jade's pov:

I was scared to go back to school. I skipped it for a few days, since I wasn't ready to see Y/N. Though Tori told me to not wait too long before talking to Y/N, so I knew I had to finally go.

I got in my car and started driving. The whole ride, I was stressing like crazy. I was scared that I might mess up my words when I finally talk to Y/N. I didn't want to accidentally slip out the word 'mistake' again.

When I got to school, I stepped out of my car and went inside. I scanned the hallways with my eyes, trying to find Y/N. There were too many people around, so I couldn't really explain myself in peace, but I still wanted to see her. Suddenly, my eyes drifted to Y/N's locker. There she was, standing and talking to.. Tamara? Oh no, that was not a good sign.

The only thing I could think about after that was Y/N potentially getting back with Tamara and moving on from me. I didn't want her to. I wanted her to myself. 

I went to class as I realized I was about to be late. I couldn't even focus. My mind kept making up different scenarios of everything that could go wrong. It was breaking me inside, but I couldn't show it. I knew Y/N was gonna have a free period, so I decided to skip my next class and find her. I wandered around the whole school trying to find her. Finally, I spotted her by her locker, so I ran up to her.

"Y/N" I spoke.

She froze for a few seconds. She started walking away without even looking at me. I wasn't gonna let her get away though.

"Wait!" I shouted and I grabbed her wrist and held her back.

"What?" she sighed as she turned around to face me. Her eyes were already filled with tears.

"Please let me explain what I said in the janitor's closet." I said.

"Fine. Go on." she said as she looked down at her feet.

"I promise I didn't mean to say that everything was a mistake. It really wasn't. I just got stressed at the moment and I felt like you put me on the spot, so I said anything that would prevent me from staying silent." I tried to form a decent explanation.

"Oh yeah? What did you want to say, then?" she questioned with a slightly upset look on her face.

"What I meant was that I just wasn't ready to tell anyone yet. But trust me, none of it was a mistake. I want you."

"Well are you ready to tell others now?" she raised her eyebrow.

"Uhm.." I didn't know how to answer her question.

"Ok, I guess that's a no then. I'm sorry, but I just don't want to stay secret anymore. I'd rather have nothing going on between us than pretend there's nothing. And now, I'm not gonna let myself believe that you want me. I'm not gonna let myself get hurt by you again." she said and stormed off.

I was left speechless. She didn't believe that I loved her. There were no chances of us ever being together again. I knew she was right. I wasn't entirely sure if I was ready to openly date her, which left me with only one option - moving on. I didn't want to. I wasn't sure if I was even capable of that. I didn't want to live without her.

People started coming out of their classrooms, so I put my tough act back on and pretended like nothing happened.

Y/N's pov:

As soon as I finished talking, I ran away. I ran to the bathroom to be by myself. I locked myself in a stall and started pouring my eyes out. Hearing Jade's voice was heartbreaking, but it was also the only thing I wanted at that moment. All I wanted was to be in her arms and hear her say 'I love you, Y/N.'

I calmed down a bit, but I was still sniffling. I heard someone walk into the bathroom, so I tried to keep as quiet as possible, but that didn't work.

"Y/N?" someone said while knocking on the stall.

I quickly wiped my tears and opened the stall to reveal Cat standing there. Oh god.

"Y/N, what happened? Are you ok?" she worriedly asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry." I fake smiled.

"But why were you crying?"

I couldn't hold my emotions back and started sobbing again. I decided to tell Cat the whole story. From beginning to end. She was surprised to hear everything, but she understood and comforted me.

"I'm sure Jade loves you. Maybe she just has a hard time expressing it. You know how she is. She doesn't show much affection towards others." Cat told me.

"I can't allow myself to believe that. No. I don't believe it. She doesn't love me." I whispered.

Cat didn't know what to say anymore, so she just hugged me and we sat there for a while. Thankfully, no one came to the bathroom while we were there. After a few minutes, Cat helped me freshen up and we went back to class.

I was tired of feeling like this everyday.

Why is this happening?