The albatross journey

6 - Fly away

Sanem

My albatross has flown away...

Seeing his plane take off from the ground and fly towards the sun was devastating, I was faced with a fait accompli and had to realise that he really is gone along with Polen.

He has made his choice and it is not me.

I run dragging my trolley among the people crowding the airport blinded by tears and shaken by sobs that I can't stop in any way.
I don't know how I found my way out of the airport or how I managed to get into a taxi.
With a barely audible voice I manage to give Ayhan's home address to the driver and lean against the seat trying to breathe and regain control of myself.

The taxi is stuck in the rush hour traffic for a long time, but I don't even realize it, there is nothing but this sharp pain that I feel tearing my naive heart apart, which had believed in true, eternal love and now finds itself shredded and bleeding from the loss of the man of my life.

The image of the two of us in the same theatre, witness to our first stolen kiss, comes to my mind. Upon discovering that he was my albatross, I confessed to him that my heart was beating at a crazy pace and he uttered words that literally left me breathless:

- Stay with me, I'll take care of your heart -

And now? What will become of me and of that poor heart abandoned forever by the one who decided not to stay?

Although I know that our paths will never cross again, I am aware that he is the one and only for me, there can never be anyone else but him in my life and in my stupid heart in love.

I realize that the taxi has almost reached its destination, I wipe the tears with my hands and try to breathe to regain control of my emotions, I can't show up at Ayhan and Osman's door in this condition.

I ring the doorbell and try to pull myself together. Osman opens the door and my old friend only has to look at me to understand everything.

- He's gone -

I nod and start crying again without being able to hold back in any way. He spreads his arms for me and all I can do is take refuge in the warmth of my close, best friend, the one who, along with Ayhan, knows me perhaps better than anyone else in this world.

She also arrives, my confidante, my adopted sister whom I've always loved as much as, and maybe more, than my sister by blood, Ayhan approaches and hugs us both, resting his head on my shoulder in a gesture of comfort.

Between sobs, all I can think is that they are exceptional, I don't know what I would do without them.

They take me into the house and without saying a word they make me sit in the living room, I find myself shortly afterwards with a handkerchief in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. I smile through my tears, touched by their care for me.
I dry my eyes, blow my nose and take a sip of tea, looking up at my wonderful friends whose presence is enough to comfort and understand me.
They know everything, they've urged me hundreds of times to tell Can the truth about the perfume I sold to Fabbri, and as always they were right.
I have ruined everything by failing to find the courage to do what they wisely advised me to do.

After tea Ayhan came up to put her arm around me.

- Apparently you didn't leave for Izmir and your parents aren't expecting you for at least two days, so don't go back home, stay hidden here and heal the wounds in your heart, regain control so you can go home when you're calmer, tamam, alright? -

I nod unable to utter a word so much gratitude I feel for her offer, I knew that if there was one place in the world that could give me a minimum of comfort it could only be this, the home of my best friends and their closeness.

We go upstairs to Ayhan's room, my trolley is already there, Osman has taken care of it as if he knew from the start that I would be staying with them. Ayhan prepares the sofa bed for me which has always been my bed when I've stayed over.

-Change and rest for a while while I finish preparing dinner then if you want to go downstairs fine, otherwise feel free to sleep or rest tamam?

I nod again thankful for the sensitivity they are showing in allowing me time and space alone to regain some semblance of control, I'm not in a position to talk right now, I need some time to heal my wounds before talking to anyone.

I wear a comfortable sweatshirt and a fuseax of the kind I always keep here in Ayhan's wardrobe for when I suddenly stop by her place, I lie on the bed supine, bring my forearm to cover my eyes and cry as many tears as I didn't think possible.

It's what I need right now and here I can luckily feel free to do it, at home it would have been impossible without worrying my parents.

A long, long time later I sit down and dry my eyes, I get up to go and pull back the curtain and look out of the window.

It's now dark, I have no idea how much time has passed since Ayhan left me alone in this room.

I sigh looking at the sky lit by a big full moon and I can't help but think about him once again.

I have to start accepting the facts, what I considered my albatross was actually a free soul who decided to fly, fly away from home never to return or at least never to return to me.