TW: Death
***
"Teya! Teya!" bungad ni Lucas.
"Ano?! Kalakas ng boses! Napano ka?"
"Si Hayden kasama ni Ali! Nasa spot daw sila, nag-collapse si Hayden!"
Napatayo ako kaagad sa kinauupuan ko at tumakbo na kami palabas. Sumunod din sina Fiona at Bel sa amin.
"Nakatawag ka na ng ambulansya?" tanong ni Fiona kay Lucas na natatarantang um-oo sa tanong niya.
Kailan lang noong kababalik ni Harrison mula sa States. Ang sabi ni Ali, nakita raw ni si Harrison sa ospital, 'di bilang doktor kun'di bilang pasyente. Mayroon daw siyang hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, isang sakit sa puso.
Nang nasa loob na sa OR si Harrison, nanginginig kong kinuha ang cellphone ko para tawagan si Xavi.
[Someone missed me-]
"Bal, si Harrison... n-nasa OR, nag-collapse siya kanina, Bal..." Sinubukan kong 'di umiyak pero bukod sa sitwasyon ni Harri, naririnig ko ang iyak ni Ali.
[What hospital? I'm going now.]
"BGH. Dahan-dahan sa pag-drive, malakas ulan..." paalala ko at binaba na ang telepono.
Tumitig lang ako sa puting pader, tulala, pinipigilan ang mga luha. Ayaw kong tignan si Alisha na yakap-yakap ni Fiona. Nakakapanghina lalo.
"Hayden, please... Please hold on, please, Hayden!" paulit-ulit na sabi ni Ali, umiiyak.
Napatingin ako sa taas, humihiling din na kumapit pa si Hayden. Kababalik lang niya at ang bata niya pa. Hindi niya pa natutupad ang pangarap niyang maging doktor. Masyado pang maaga...
Harri... Huwag ka munang sumuko... Parating na kuya mo...
Ilang minuto kaming ganoon at nagdasal pa ako, humihingi ng mga taon para kay Harrison, hangga't sa dumating na si Xav.
"Bal? Bal! Where's my brother?" tanong niya habang tumatakbo palapit sa amin. "Where is he?"
"Hindi pa tapos, Bal..." sagot ko at niyakap siya para patahanin siya. He placed his head on my shoulder as he cried his tears away.
"Hindi ko alam na may sakit siya... I didn't know he was suffering a lot... too much..." pahikbi-hikbi niyang sinabi, mahigpit na nakayakap sa akin. "But he'll make it, right? Kaya niya iyon... 'di ba?"
I let him cry and rant while I was patting his back, trying my best not to make him notice that I was also crying with him silently. Ayaw kong dumagdag. Ako na nga ang nagpapatatag sa kaniya. Ayaw kong maramdaman niya na pati ako ay umiiyak na rin.
Hindi bumitaw sa yakap si Xav kahit na mayroon nang lumabas na isang doktor na nilapitan kaagad ni Alisha.
"Doc?" She sounded like someone with hope still.
"I'm sorry, he didn't make it. We did everything that we could to save him."
Humigpit lalo ang yakap ni Xavi sa akin at mas lalong naiyak kaya tuluyan na rin akong napaiyak. Humahagulgol na rin si Ali, hindi matanggap ang pagkawala ng buhay ni Harrison.
"No... Hayden... Did I just break another promise again? Hayden... I'm sorry..." I heard Xav mumble.
***
"Hello everyone! If you don't know who I am, I am Alisha. Hayden's first and... and last girlfriend."
Tahimik ang lahat noong nagsimula na si Ali sa kaniyang eulogy. Halata ang namumugtong mga mata niya at kita ang kirot sa mga mata niya.
"I first met Hayden in a bookstore when I bought a book for our friend. My friends are his classmates. We often pass by each other in or around the campus. At first, he would piss me off. Nakakainis na kaagad 'yung presence niya noon... but eventually, I got used to it and I opened my doors to him. We went to places and he'd sing for me... We'd munch our favorite food with each other..." Tumigil siya para mapunasan ang mga luha niya gamit ang panyo niya.
Tanda ko pa iyong corny niyang paraan pang bawi, pang sorry, at pang ligaw kay Alisha na lagi naming tinatawanan nila Derek. Kahit ilang beses niyang ulitin na ayaw niya sa mga cliche, ganoon naman ang ginagawa niya.
"He was actually someone with a warm personality; someone I never thought I needed. He just wanted his family and friends to reach their dreams and have a great life. He was always there to listen to us when we rant and share our struggles... but we didn't know he was also struggling because he chose to keep it to himself, not because he was selfish, but because he was still thinking of what other people would think and feel. That was how we first separated. He broke up with me to continue his healing in the States, pero hindi niya sinabing may sakit siya. Nalaman ko lang a few days ago when I saw him laying down in a hospital bed. On that very day he departed, we got to talk in our hideout. We exchanged our sorries and were just about to resolve the misunderstandings before, then... then he collapsed."
Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng hawak ni Xavi sa kamay ko kaya't tinignan ko siya at inabutan ko ng box ng tissue na binaon ko.
"Everything was all so sudden. I didn't know that his apologies and gratitude would be his last words I'd get to hear from him... I didn't know that was already goodbye. I just know that he's happy up there and he has finally reunited with our daughter... and of course her mom that he really loves... He is... Hayden... He may be quiet and timid most of the time, but he has a big golden heart. Selfless and kind. It's always his friends and family first... To his family and friends present here today, this may be the last way of reunion we wanted, but thank you for coming and remembering Hayden."
Nang natapos nang magsalita si Ali ay bumalik na siya sa kinauupuan niya kanina. Si Xavi naman ang nagpunta sa harapan para sa kaniyang spiel. Natatakot nga raw siya na baka tigilan siya ng tatay nila habang nagsasalita siya, pero ang sabi ko sa kaniya, tignan niya lang ako at isiping ako lang ang kausap niya.
"Hayden Harrison Marquez: a student, a friend, a lover, a father, a son, and a brother... or a step brother. I am Caden Xavier, the deceased's half brother from our father... and although we are just half brothers and although we just had a short time together when we were little, my little brother is one of the few people that holds a big place in my life. I remembered the very first time we met when we were toddlers. Confusion was written on his face but we instantly clicked like magnets. We were each other's buddies... 'til we weren't... And we haven't talked since."
Napatigil siya at tumingin sa itaas bago magpatuloy.
"Our times always crash... and some people around us wouldn't allow us to be in one place... and when we try, there's always this fear. But I long for him despite all those. I was starting to forget how his voice sounded. I was starting to forget how his smile looked. I was starting to forget how his laughter sounded... It's just that time wasn't in our favor... Everyone present today might actually have more memories with him than I had with him when I am his brother... so I thank everyone here for accompanying and witnessing how my brother grew... when we were apart."
Diretso siyang pumunta sa akin at tinawag ako para samahan siyang lumayo nang kaunti sa mga tao, lalo na raw at ang tatay na nila ang magsasalita. Ayaw na raw niya itong pakinggan.
Nang nakalayo kami, tumigil siya at niyakap ako. "Bal... it hurts..."
"Xav..."
"We had a lot of time and I just wasted it... It's my fault, Bal..."
"Bal, hindi mo kasalanan na hindi ka pa handa noon, at hindi mo kasalanan na hindi ka rin handa sa kung ano na ang nangyayari ngayon." Hinawakan ko ang mukha niya at pinagdikit ko ang forehead namin. "Walang gumusto sa pagkawala ni Harrison, Bal."
"I feel so hopeless now..."
"Andito lang ako. Lagi't-lagi, Bal."
BINABASA MO ANG
Cold Nights and City Lights
Narrativa generaleHIRAETH SERIES #2 She, who is valiant and bold, meets the individual who will make her frail and fragile. Althea Bridget Feliciano, a medical technology student from Saint Louis University, faces time and gets her patience tested as she waits for "h...
