melting heart. | the boyz

nyukyu ¦ actually

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
「 actually 」
choi chanhee & ji changmin
word count: 438

actually, chanhee thinks that he doesn't like changmin. no, he loves him.

⌗NOTE ! 
i'm sorry for only posting a drabble and not updating for weeks. i have my eyes set on writing a tbz highschool au and i will start once i get my shit together. anyway, i hope y'all will still enjoy this !!

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀

actually, chanhee doesn't know when this little crush of his began.

to be honest, he didn't even know how he began crushing on him. his best friend is weird, loud and kind of stupid — not really similar to the ideal type that chanhee had spent years daydreaming about. he screeches so much, eats too slow and treats a fucking doll from a horror movie as if it's his own child. now, how on earth did chanhee even catch feelings for this man?

actually, chanhee knows that his crush is not as horrible as he convinces himself to be.

he's handsome (very much so, that chanhee wonders how the hell he's not included in bermuda). he's also talented, absolutely adorable and one of the kindest people he had ever met. he makes chanhee laugh to the point that he finds it hard to breathe, and he never fails to make him feel as if he's floating on cloud 9.

changmin's all that, and so much more, and it makes chanhee curse at himself for catching feelings for him. because out of all people, out of the other nine members he could've possibly fallen in love with, he chose to fall in love with the person who he knows will never catch him.

chanhee wants him so bad, likes him to the point that his heart is about to burst any second with the way it beats so fast around him, badly craves to hold his hand and intertwine their fingers, desperately hopes that changmin's hugs and i love you's have another meaning behind them.

actually, chanhee thinks that he doesn't like changmin. no, he loves him.

and it fucking hurts.

because he knows that his best friend will never love him the same way he does. he knows that he's just that "platonic-soulmate-slash-groupmate" in changmin's eyes. in everyone's eyes. he knows that no matter how much he tries, he can never bring himself to confess and spread his feelings out in the open.

because in actuality, the chances of changmin returning his feelings is probably even lesser than zero.

because in actuality, changmin is already looking at someone else the same way chanhee is looking at him. changmin already has a romantic soulmate that always brings out the sparkle in his eyes. changmin is already in the arms of someone who chanhee knows is much more charming, handsome and interesting than him.

actually, changmin is already taken, and chanhee can only watch as the person he loves the most gets drowned in kisses by another group member of theirs.

oh, how chanhee wishes to be hyunjae so bad.