Loving The Light [Cosmos Series#4]

Kabanata 9

I saw my whole body's reflection as I stood in front of the mirror. I slowly walked near it as my eyes were fixed on the small white inked tattoo a few inches away below my collarbone, at the part of my chest where exactly my heart is located.

Marahan kong pinaglandas ang aking mga daliri at dinama iyon. I smiled as my forefinger traced the semicolon lying in the middle of the shaft of an arrow. The arrow is horizontally lying in my chest. Ganoon din ang semicolon sa gitna nito. Simple lang iyon at wala ng ibang detalye pa.

Hindi iyon halata kung hindi lalapitan, dahil na rin sa kulay puting tinta noon at ang maputlang kulay ng aking balat.

"Auriese!" I heard my brother calling me from the outside of the walk-in closet. Agad kong isinuot ang damit pangitaas at nilabas siya.

"Nagising si Rye. He's looking for you," bungad niya sa akin.

I nodded at him as I walked towards the guest room. Doon idiniretso ni Dad si Rye, mabuti na lamang ay maayos ang kwartong iyon.

Marahan kong pinihit ang doorknob at pasimpleng tinulak ang pinto. I saw Dad seating beside my son while trying to calm Rye.

Nang makapasok ay agad ko ring isinara ang pinto.

"Mommy!" Kinusot niya ang mga matang hilam sa mga luha. Sinubukan niyang umupo ngunit agad ko siyang pinigilan at muling pinahiga dahil bakas sa namumungay mata ang antok niya.

"I missed you, baby. Sleep na," I whispered as I started caressing his hair. Pinaglandas ko ang aking mga daliri sa kanyang maliit na kamay.

"Belated happy birthday," I whispered when I remember, I missed his fourth birthday. But its for his safety so I'm okay with it. He celebrated it with Prestin. My brother sent me photos of him enjoying his birthday after I greeted through face time. Iyon lang ay ayos na sa akin.

I watched my son as he closed his eyes, trying to sleep.

"My grandson." Napaangat ako ng tingin dahil sa sinambit ni Daddy. I looked at him and our eyes met. I immediately avoided his gaze.

"Ryker's his father? Your boyfriend?"

I glanced at my father before fixing my eyes at my son. "He's my ex. Not my boyfriend," I muttered as I refused to answer his question about my son's father.

"Hmm. But he's surely the father. It's obvious on his name."

I blinked as I looked at him. Sa huli ay marahang napailing at muling itinuon ang pansin sa anak na ngayon ay mahimbing ng natutulog.

"I'm sorry, anak."

I stilled as I heard his words. Ilang sandali pa akong nanatiling nakatungo, hindi sigurado kung tama ang aking narinig.

"I'm sorry, sana ay mapatawad mo ako." Nahimigan ko ang lungkot at sinseridad sa tono niya.

It's been four years. Bakit ngayon lang? Ano 'yon, bigla na lang niyang naisipan na humingi ng tawad? After four years finally he realized that he's wrong?

"Prestin told me you have something to explain. What is it?" I asked while my eyes' still focused on my son. Patuloy ang marahang paghagod ko sa kanyang buhok habang hawak ang kanyang kamay. I missed this kiddo, I never thought that I can live without him beside me for a month.

"I want you to be safe, that's why I did it. Hindi ko ginusto iyon ngunit, wala akong magagawa." Tuwid ang kanyang pagkakaupo at kahit madilim ay ramdam ko ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin.

Puno ng sarkasmo ang mga mata akong bumaling sa kanya. Safe? That's his reason? For me to be safe? Then what happened? Prestin almost stop studying law while I stopped. That's because we can't afford it. He wants me safe but he freeze all our accounts. Sariling pera namin ni Prestin ang aming ginagamit sa mga nakalipas na taon.