A.N.O.R.E.X.I.A [BxB]

Twenty-Seven

Dear Toby,

I feel like I haven’t written to you in ages, which is a shame. We’ve been spending a lot of time together in person which makes the writing sort of redundant, but also I’ve been feeling really stressed and it’s weighing me down.

 The company my dad works for keeps making people redundant and he’s very worried. I have a feeling it won’t happen to him because I know for a fact he works harder than anyone else; he’s always the first one there and the last one to leave. I don’t really know why it’s making us all worry so much considering he doesn’t even like his job. I suppose it’s because we know that everything he does is to keep us financially safe and happy. And also, I hate when things change.

 Our running sessions have really been helping me to calm down. It makes so much difference to run with you rather than running alone. You make it seem fun, not like hard work at all. I especially like it when we go running straight after school. I like it when we tire ourselves out early and I get to go back to your house before your dad finishes work. If it doesn’t sound too much like bragging, I’d like to say that I think I’m getting pretty good at playing all your video games. I wish I could play them at home and get better and then impress you with my skills.

 Another reason I like going to your house after a runs is because it keeps me motivated to do exercise again the next day. This is going to sound very, very strange, but when we get back to your house and you take off your sweaty shirt I can’t help but look at you. It’s wrong, I know, I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. You’re just so slim but muscular, whereas I’m just skinny. I’ve done everything I can think of to try and bulk up a bit. I’ve even had protein shakes and gone on special diets. But I just can’t do it.

 I suppose everyone’s body is made in different ways, and sometimes we want to look a certain way but it’s just physically impossible.

 Nevertheless, I still wish I looked like you. And I won’t stop trying for a while.

 I hope this wasn’t too weird for you to read.

 I also hope you’re free to sleepover at my house this weekend. Don’t forget to ask your dad- I know you’ll have to lie, but I think you won’t mind doing that.

                Love,
                Jack.