A.N.O.R.E.X.I.A [BxB]

Twenty-Two.

 Dear Jack,

                I do indeed think that it is sad for you to find me to be the nicest person you have ever met. Considering how I act on occasion and the thoughts that I can have… it is very sad. I mean, sure, I’m not a murderer- though I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t planned to be in several situations- but for me to still be the nicest person you have ever met? I almost feel like I should apologise for the rest of humanity.

 I like your views on giving money to those who need it. Maybe that’s why my family has gone wrong: we’re the biggest consumers. We get and then we get more and we don’t cherish anything because we can replace it with something better as soon as it comes along. It’s kind of gross, really.

 Jack, I just freaked myself out a little. For some reason the idea of never speaking to my family again came into my mind. Like, I could see a time where I’ve moved out and we just can’t force ourselves to make conversation anymore. The tie is broken. Do you ever do that? Create scenarios in your head? I told my brother about it once years ago and he said that it was weird. Up until that point I’d assumed that it was something everyone did. Another idea shattered, I guess.

 Please, Jack, please know that I’m not mad at you for what happened between me and my friends. I just want to clear this up, okay? I never was mad. That lunchtime was the most fun I’ve had at school in years. I wanted to be brave and switch things up a little, spend an hour with the two people in this world that I actually care about. It’s nobody’s fault that my mates are dickheads. It is my fault, however, that I’m so spineless. I wish I could fucking stand up to them, y’know? Draw a line and dare them to cross it; tell the truth for a change. I hate myself sometimes…

 I am very glad that you and Thea get along so well, though. I don’t know why but I was incredibly anxious for you to approve of each other, and it has made me very happy. She couldn’t stop talking about how great you are afterwards.

 Hopefully we’ll all get to hang out soon- even if it can’t be at school.

                Love,
                Toby.