A.N.O.R.E.X.I.A [BxB]

Six.

 Dear Toby,

                When I was a kid all I wanted was to watch people. I hardly ever spoke or smiled or laughed… I would just sit and watch people. At home I would watch my family. Anywhere else I would watch anyone. And I still don’t know what I was trying to achieve by it. But I still do it anyway. It really annoyed my sister when we were little. Everything she had been told about having a sibling was wrong; I didn’t cry all the time as a baby; I didn’t want to play with her when I grew up a little. I just wanted to sit and watch.

 I stopped only watching people when one day I saw a man hit his wife. And I asked my mum why someone would do something like that. She got a terrifyingly cold look on her face.

 “Jack, whilst you may be unaware of it right now, one day you will learn that we have to share this world with some horrible people.”

 She then walked away to find my sister who had wondered off. She knew I wouldn’t move. So I watched the wife who had been hit as she processed what had happened. No-one else had seen it happen, and her husband had long since walked away when she raised a hand to her face and her eyes locked with mine. We simultaneously started to cry.

 After that I started to do other things with my time. But I still watched people to see what made them feel like that woman felt.

 Sometimes I see the look on that woman’s face on your face, and wonder why. It kind of looks like a mixture of loneliness and just plain pain. Maybe it’s because no-one knows you. So you feel non-existent. I hope it’s okay for me to think that. Only I know you hide your sexuality. And sometimes I feel like I’m not really their either. So maybe we’re the same in that.

                Love,
                Jack.