A.N.O.R.E.X.I.A [BxB]

Twelve.

Dear Toby,

                So, first of all, I shall reply to your letter before writing my own- if that makes sense.

 No, your kissing me at the party was not too forward. Granted, it was a surprise, and if anyone else had kissed me I would not have appreciated it. But I did appreciate it. Because it was you. And I don’t mind that you did it to stop me from sounding damaged. I know that were the roles reversed, I would have done the same. Probably. In some format.

 I love reading about you and Thea. Probably because the whole idea of friendship seems alien to me. You guys really are so close that it’s amazing to see. The way you laugh together, the way you’re so casually intimate… it’s beautifully baffling. I wish that maybe I could have the experience of emotional intimacy. I had an imaginary friend as a kid. He was called Cameron. But I grew up, and my mum made him disappear because he freaked her out. I think she meant that I freaked her out, but she would never say that. It was only when he disappeared that I realised he wasn’t real. And I was sad about that for a long time.

 I don’t really know how I learned to notice things about people. Like I said before, I just always do it. It’s kind of a reflex, I suppose, especially in a new environment. A person can make the tiniest of movements but simultaneously reveal their greatest secret. Maybe I’ll show you one day, when I’ve cracked my own code.

 I’m meeting you in about seven minutes at the park. I’m sorry this has to be cut short.

                Love,
                Jack.