A.N.O.R.E.X.I.A [BxB]

Ten.

 Dear Toby,

                That letter from you was just unreal. I’m still finding it hard to believe that you speak to me in real life, let alone could be bothered to read eight letters worth of my craziness. I say craziness casually; I don’t believe myself to be crazy, just occasionally a little abnormal. I am so happy to know that nothing I said offended you. Like I said before, I like to keep myself numb when I write these letters so that my words aren’t filtered between my mind and the paper. You really don’t understand how strange it feels to go from having no-one besides my family to having someone who actually gives up time for my rambling.

 Before I write about the event that occurred and led to me showing you my letters, I think it is necessary to document that as I write this it has been two weeks since I wrote my last letter but only a day since you wrote yours.

 The rest of the week after I wrote my last letter passed rather uneventfully. We continued to speak in the hallways and the occasional pleasantry was shared on Facebook after school, but other than that life proceeded as normal. People made fun of me on the bus, I read, I did classes, I sat alone at lunch, I came home, I did homework, I read. I went for a run on Saturday and Sunday, much to my mother’s horror. I promised her that I wasn’t going back to the weird state of mind I’d had before, but to be honest I’m not so sure. I think that I’m feeling this need to go running because I know I can’t go swimming and exercise used to calm me down. Well, it didn’t really, it made me kind of manic, I suppose. Things have just been changing recently, thanks to you. I’m happy for these changes, I just need to get used to them, and running is a kind of release in the meantime.

 Anyway, on the Monday we bumped into each other in the school hallway before registration. I think we kind of make it happen now, because we seem to run into each other in the same places at the same kind of time. That morning was different, though.

 “Hey Jack!”

 “Hey Toby, how are-”

 “So listen, d’you wanna go to a party this Friday?”

 I stopped because I didn’t know how to respond; I’d never been invited to a party before.

 “Uh-”

 “I mean, it’s not my party, it’s my friend Thea’s, but she said you can come because you’re in her R.E class.”

 “The blonde girl who sits with you at lunch sometimes?”

 “Uh, yes.”

 “Well… sure. Why not,” I couldn’t think of an excuse.

 “Sweet. I’ll pick you up beforehand?”

 “Great. Thanks.”

 “Sweet. Bye.”

 “Bye, Toby.”

 We parted ways for registration. And I was scared because I’d never been to a party before, and I knew that generally a lot of people went- I don’t handle large crowds very well.

 When I got home I told my mum about the party. She exchanged a look with my sister- who was home early, again- and they sat me down and talked to me about things.

 “Don’t drink anything that you think tastes funny.”

 “If you get a headache, don’t take tablets from anyone…”

 I’m not sure if the things they said made me more or less nervous. Probably more. And so that’s why when you arrived on Friday evening with a crate of alcohol in the back of your brother’s car I looked so pale. And that’s why I spoke even less than normal as Lee drove us to Thea’s house.