A.N.O.R.E.X.I.A [BxB]

Nineteen.

 Dear Toby,

                I think you might just be the nicest person that I have ever met. In all my life no-one else has ever been so complimentary and understanding.

 That’s kind of sad, don’t you think? That a person can have gone for sixteen- nearly seventeen- years of their life and always felt like there was nobody in the entire world who could listen to them; not one person out of seven billion others. I hope that you find as much comfort in our friendship as I do.

 I understand how you feel so out of place in your family. My father has some kind of high-end job in the business world- but we never have much money. What with my parents being religious people, a large percentage of his paycheque goes towards charity, the rest towards our futures. I think that it is good to give money to people who need it, because otherwise we might have everything money could buy and no goals to work for. His job means that he works long hours in the city, which sucked when I was younger but I don’t mind so much anymore. When I was younger I would get mad if my dad wasn’t around to hang out with, but now I understand that he works hard to help his family.

 I think it’s good that as people grow up we come to understand things, but sometimes the realisations can make us feel guilty.

 Like, for example, with my mother. I would say that although we don’t have a necessarily close relationship, we always had some kind of attachment to each other. When I was a kid there was so little that she would let me do, and it was all very frustrating. I realise now, however, that she was just trying to keep me safe and happy and healthy. Sometimes I can get a little wound up over things, so when I became so obsessive about something that she would have to intervene, I really disliked her for it. If I could take back some of the things I’d said to her, lots of the tears I cried, I would. But at the time she was just getting in my way. It was like I had all this energy but she wouldn’t let me use it up. Now that I’m older, though, she can’t be quite so protective, and I think it leaves her feeling empty sometimes. She gets so caught up in caring for my little brother that the tie that kept us together comes loose.

 I don’t feel bitter about it, though; for a sixteen year old to demand attention away from his baby brother would be a little sad, don’t you think? I just wish I had more to talk about with my mother.

 My sister is the person I talk most to in my family, but our conversations could be done in three minutes over the phone. We didn’t interact much as kids- I was too quiet for her- and we don’t do much now, either.

 It’s all so sad, don’t you think? That you can be biologically tied to someone, similar in so many ways… but not have a single thing to say to each other.

 I suppose that’s why humans need friends- so it is, indeed, very lucky that I found you.

                Love,
                Jack.