You don't know about Us - A MewGulf AU

Epilogue 1: Me

Mew wasn't exactly sure where it had come from; how it had started. It began like an understanding in the back of his mind – something that was settled a long time before on in his heart. However, in all honesty, he did know where it came from; had known the origin for ages. It was simply something he did not bother to think about, something he accepted without second thought.

And how unlike Mew that was; not truly thinking about something. Just accepting it.

Most of the time, Mew regarded himself as a realist. He would carefully observe everything, judge it and then catalogue it in his mind. It was how he made up his persona; carefully adjusted to the likes and dislikes of the eyes of his fans and his own personal preferences.

It was, however, not how he maneuvered his love-life. Rather, he skipped the judging step, and simply accepted it as was. He forgot himself, his own heart, and decided that Mew Suppasit could not truly love someone. It was too dangerous, too unknown, too likely for it to end bad. So, he did not bother thinking about it, instead accepting it as impossible.

Until Gulf Kanawut entered his life, breaking down all the walls he had put around his heart, easily finding the key and unlocking the mess that was his feelings. It felt glorious. And IT was terrifying.

So, as Mew Suppasit lived his life, he decided to observe this new-found love and the reactions of everyone around them, and then decide if he could properly act on it. It was thrilling, every moment and kiss reverberating on his skin and in his mind until the darkness of the night – replaying it in his dreams. He truly enjoyed himself; love in his heart.

However, in love, he forgot that it's not a simple 'me' that plays the main role. For in love, there's always an 'us' that he bothered to overlook. And when you overlook the other's heart, your own quickly turns into peril as well.

After basking together in the sunlight for a long time, suddenly his little Yai nong turned all cold to Mew Suppasit; retreating to the shadows and leaving him to burn in the light, alone. Confused, Mew followed his nong, but when he flinched away and kept putting distance between them, Mew felt completely at loss. Had he perhaps... done something wrong? Had he misunderstood? Was he not the right Mew, after all?

Doubt started playing in his mind, in his heart, and suddenly it was not the reactions of the people around him he had to observe and judge. It was his own heart and the heart of the person he loved – and it was cold. It was lonely. Yet Mew was an actor, a realist, and most of all... he hesitated. He grew lost. He waited, and waited, until finally, he felt himself needing his warmth back.

Setting up a date, preparing everything, was excruciatingly scary. It was also exciting. After preparing everything once, twice, trying to make it more casual than it was, Mew threw himself back into his work until eventually he even barely managed to remember the time.

With a heavy heart but a clear mind, he'd smiled at his producer – happy with the product he was going to present – and set out to pick up his nong. With a little trouble. But Mew Suppasit did not mind a sleepy nong, in fact, he couldn't help but smile as he watched him blink his sleep away. His nong was glorious; Gulf Kanawut was amazing.

How he wanted him to be truly his.

Mew had a little of a jealous streak – little being an understatement – and everything seemed to be tumbling down all of a sudden until Gulf; "You didn't sleep with me to improve our acting, right? Or because I was easy?"

When you love someone, the 'I' in your heart turns into a 'we', and all of a sudden, the other's feelings are more important than your own. Mew was stunned hearing those words. He would never. Truly, he hated people like that, hated how some fans thought it was common practice, and could not deny those words quickly enough. He felt disgusted, a little angry maybe, at hearing his nong – the person he loved! – question that of him but...