How I am getting Through a break-up

Chapter-1

He really was stern about him not wanting to come back.I begged and pleaded, with tears in my eyes, but he refused.We decided to have a talk where he would hear me out, but he was busy, gave late replies etc etc, said hurtful things about my behaviour  related to this girl he used to like and was his best friend .So I decided I didnt wanna justify anything to him cause I would only end up hoping he takes me back and make me more sad.I came back home that day and cried, i tried sleeping to hide my red nose but i wouldnt get sleep. While walking in he evening I sobbed again. I came back sat on the bed and my sister saw me cry again, Idk i was a mix of emotions and crying just came, so I let it. I sobbed in the bathroom while trying to take a relaxing hot bath. Made up my mind that I didnt wanna be in contact with him for my own sanity. So I blocked him everywhere. Except on calls because we have always been each others emergency no. I slept early to prevent thinking about it at night.Got up, I had two of my really good friends by my side, again not even in person as we are in the middle of a goddamn pandemic. Tried to sound as cheerful, too my mind off it by driving, watching shows etc but it was bound to come back to me at some point. I didnt cry on day 2 though. I cried a lot on the first day and thought I had released enough emotional tension for a decent amount of time. I thought it was liberating.I read articles about break ups, how to get him back etc etc. Decided to go with the no contact rule. I even received extremely warm and loving paragraphs from his bestfriend, telling me I could talk to her, and she hopes for the best for us if not immediately but in the futre. It was niceI guess but somewhere i realised maybe he told her to do it out of guilt of not wanting to come back to me or reciprocate the feelings he had for me all of a sudden.He did call me at 12:44 am on 2nd june. I didnt answer or call back or respond or anything. No contact. Like an idiot trying to get him back and trying to get him to miss me.It felt nice being called by him, a little boost of ego. But I also knew that picking up would hurt cause he im sure didnt call to get back, but called onlt to check up on me as a best friend out of guilt of his own actions.That was another reason I didnt pick up, it would only have hurt me to see that me being sad doesnt help with him taking me back.Day 2 went by, same old waves of sadness hitting me in the day, had a few supportive friends, went for a walk , got wet in the rain which was refreshing.I am juggling between 2 phases, one is sadness and depression and the other is me telling myself he can fuck off and that I deserve better. The latter being a pretence to some extent.I was sure he didnt want to get back because if he did, and realised that breaking up was a mistake, there were MULTIPLE way of reaching me. Emails, normal SMS, my sister, discord, etc.I like an idiot waited for him to approach me, in hopes that he would come back, try to get to me, cause what we had was so so special.Checking discord hurt me cause just to talk to me on it, without my strict mother figuring out who it is, he had made his username anonymous, but when i went to check if he had tried to reach me via discord, I saw that he had changed his username back to what it was initially. Which meant he had even been there, forget contacting me but had changed it in a way he was sure he wouldnt have to keep the same anonymous username for me again. It crushed me. But I felt better about not picking up the call.I creepy stalked his netflix history to see what he was watching, whether he was enjoying and I dont know what joy I got out of it but I dont know maybe I just felt connected to him in a weird way.Today is the third day, because there is a lockdown, no real routine/ scehdule these waves of sadness tend to hit me more than usual. I am usually the kind of person who moves on, distractsmyself, diverts my mind. But being stuck in the house with the same 4 faces(Who btw I couldn't even tell about the break up) due to various orthodox, personal family issues.I did tell my sister though but she isnt entirely the empathetic types, plus she is younger, not entirely matured, but definitely is nice to know that I can tell her about my sadness if not intricate details. I just had to censor it for her.It gets sad without having anything to do due to the pandemic and its easy to let this darkness just wash over you.Day three morning as I complained sucked, but then I crashed in the afternoon as usual and um the evening was refreshing honestly, went for a walk, spoke to friends who were so sweet and just there for me, tried to cheer me up, a break up isnt the end of the world, saw an inspiring YT video sent by a friend who was trying to help me. Ordered a 1000 piece jig saw puzzlewhich will take me like 30 hours ish to do so ill try doing little little everyday and feel good about myself. Will watch movies where the girl is mis treated and gets dumped but comes outthe other side. Started a cooooool internship where I handle social media and it feels so coool!!I love it, the evening just had a nice buzz of a vibe to it and it might sound weird but I can feel myself getting stronger.Everyone going through this, don't worry, we will get through this. Might seem impossible, he might have been your everything, some days might seem worse than the others but we will get past this. Not saying that a break up is unidirectional but sometimes you can be happy, and smetimes it definitley may seem like the end of the world.GET THROUGH IT. WE CAN AND WE MUST.