How I am getting Through a break-up

Chapter-5

So on 15th of June, things got out of hand, my friend literally left me in the house for about 2-3 hours claiming that she met him by "Accident". I got so irritated that I literally snitched to my mom. I am really not the types to ever tell my mom anything. This was probably the first time. So my mom and I planned to get me back the next day itself, I made up a birthday plan with my friends, said it was unavoidable because we hadn't met for ages either due to lockdown, moreover, we all had college starting soon and then trips like these get difficult to ever happen. They all begged and pleaded me to stay, but I didn't want to, she literally even guilt tripped me, saying "Bro I didn't meet *her boyfriend* 2-3 days before the break up because I was there, now she ended things with good for him , and even I am leaving, etc etc. I was not going to fall for that nonsense, I was really patient, and now I was done. One more thing about being in her city was that, HIS INITIALS WERE LITERALLY EVERYWHERE. XY décor, XY on car number plates, XY in my college timetable and SB is what I used to call him, there was literally a road called SB road, it was all making me miss him and was a constant reminder.

15th was relatively fun, they decided to do stuff because I was leaving, we shopped, went for dinner and had a decent time, which kind of made me reconsider my decision, but even while doing these things she and her mom discussed the boyfriend which made me sure I was ready to go back. So I packed, made her promise that she would come to Bombay very soon, she in the middle even decided to come to my friends trip with me (which did not exist) but I played hot and cold, I really didn't want her to come.

My strategically placed stories continued. Next day college was also starting, but only 1-2 lectures, I did attend one, and skipped the other because I had to travel on the 16th of June.

So on 16th, before leaving, I went and met an aunt, bought the food I really like to take back home with me, and was all set to go. It was the first time I was gonna be travelling alone, In the sense that usually when I did travel alone, or was gonna be alone for a really long time, my separation anxiety used to make me call someone. And 99% of the times it was him. Except this time he wasn't there, and probably never hence forth,. I know it might not seem like a big deal, but not having anyone to talk to/ anything to do as such because I had to save my phone battery was a huge thing. It was a 3-4 hour drive and I couldn't properly listen to songs as my earphones were being annoying. So it was just me. I expected myself to miss him, get sad listening to songs like a typical cliché road trip. But to my surprise, none of that happened. I napped for a short while, like 15-20 minutes, and then was really fresh, I looked outside, enjoyed the view. Barely touched my phone and just soaked in everything. The songs didn't make me sad, I just really felt like I was discovering myself. I was alone in this world and I had to get used to it. I did have family, and a sister and friends, but no on NEEDS more, they just usually tend to want it, and unnecessarily get attached to such an extent that they need someone 24/7. So personally I loved the journey. 3-4 hours got over so quickly It wasn't even funny. I loved the me time that I got. So when I came home, I realised how much I missed everyone. And valued them. Im not one to get attached, so like usually when I am away from home for trips and all I barely call/ talk to them. They are the ones that reach out, and I never miss them, infact getting out feels good, but something about this time was different. I think I know what. Each time I used to go for trips, I was up to being sneaky, somehow getting more time with him or talking to him or beingon calls with him. More than I could be when I was at home. So i=I guess I really loved him and for me, everything revolved around me, don't get me wrong, it wasn't like I wasn't anything without him, he just took so much of space on my mind as well as a lot of my time, plus it could get really draining to an extend where I didn't realise that there were so many things I should be grateful for.

I to some extent think, he was the reason my relationship with my parents suck(Not entirely of course, I really don't want to blame him, but a majority of it yes.). I used to lie for him/ sneak for him, and he was just allowed so many things, that I wasn't I felt FOMO and then argued with my parents to let me do all of those things I guess? I am not blaming him or throwing hate towards him, I have just started seeing things from outside of the relationship.