How I am getting Through a break-up

Chapter- 15

I woke up(This is the 13th of august), and went about my usual routine, I had tiny errands to run, and I was fine.

What happened next has shaken me up honestly. So for some reason, I ended up on the profile of the girl I thought he was dating, now she has a private account but it shows you who follows her, or which mutuals we have.

I do not even know how to express what I felt when I say my ex's best friend had followed her. The best friend that I don't like. That definitely means they are a thing and as his best friend, she follows the best friends girlfriend. Seeing it made it official for sure. They literally met in the last month that we were together. That is when things went downhill. I could ask my best friend to follow her through his spam, but I don't want to hurt more than I already am. I want to talk to someone, I want to tell someone, I don't know what to do. I hate being an emotional burden. I am so sad I can't describe it. My mom realised I am sad, she asked me but I can't get myself to tell her. I can't I don't know what to do. It hurts so much. I know it isn't the end of the world, I know it isn't anything bad enough to do shit like kill myself, no one is worth that, but it hurts so much. I tried to study but I can't. I need to study but I can't. I tried to talk to helplines, but it is a bloody Friday and the one I found literally has working hours from 11-4 ON WEEKDAYS. I hate this. I don't know what to do. I never thought a guy would have such a huge impact on me. I thought I was okay. I don't know how things are hurting me so much. I want to move on and be happy.

Today was a horrible day where feelings were concerned. It is so bad.

But one thing I learned about myself is the fact that I have extremely good self control once I actually want to do something, I do it. So because I vowed to not see his Netflix, I haven't checked it even once. I love this trait about me. Which is also why I didn't even contact him. Once I told myself not to do it, done, that's it, it isn't happening.

If only I could get over him this fast. But feelings aren't about self control now are they. Dumbass feelings.

I went off to sleep on the 13th after studying and stuff, my uncle came home at like 1 am, so I knew the next day(14th) was going to be busy and full of things happening.

So on 14th morning, I woke up, had college and stuff, attended it, did a presentation, and by afternoon like 1 ish I was done. Then I spent some time with my uncle and mom and all. She offered me a drink but I know myself and I have to completely refrain from drinking. It will make me sad and shit and make me cry probably. I don't know how people drink to numb the pain, I freaking get so sad when I drink and overly emotionally. So then I slept in the afternoon as usual, and evening was rushed because we were supposed to go to our cousins place which is really far, took like 1.5 hours to reach. So it was a long journey, and all. Unfortunately, there was like a really really sad development in my behavior, or how I feel. Its like I suddenly get burst of sadness. Tiny things remind me of him and it makes me sad, then I zone out. Literally zone out and someone has to call me 1-2 times cause I forgot what I am doing. This was never a problem earlier, like pictures and things that reminded me of him never made me sad as such. Which was a blessing because we have done so many things together and been to so many places that anywhere I go, we have atleast 1 memory. So on the long drive that we had to my cousins place, it was a highway and stuff that we passed, I remembered a lunch date we went to with his friends and LOVED the drive, we weren't scared and stuff of being caught because it was one of the first times we went officially, told my mom and all, without lies. And songs that were playing there reminded me of him, the tiniest of things. It just made me sad. So one of the cousins there I might have mentioned, she and I bond really well, she understands me, knows what is happening, so once In a while she gave me caring glances and indirectly asked me if I am fine, but I laughed it off and said yeah I am good. But there were so many people there that we couldn't entirely talk about it and it was cool, I genuinely laughed a lit and stuff, but once I cam eback home I was back to reality. I watched the finale episode of too hot to handle and went off to sleep without stalking too much, because each time I do, I find something that makes my heart sink.