So currently it's day 6, but I shall update you guys about what happened last night as well. I saw that, got upset and went to sit with me sister. We played games, watched a movie and it was fun as well as refreshing, a few jokes here and there about him going away to lighten up the mood. But I am really grateful for her. The phone buzzed at like 1 am and I thought it was him, but to my dismay, it wasn't. That got me a little upset but thats it. We finished at about two, then I sat watching a show, and kept him out of my head, I did check his activity but it was just 1 episode. Idk how to interpret it honestly, its either him being busy socialising with his friends, happy without me and hence barely watching. Or him thinking about things too. I can't tell. So at night I finally thought I was ready and got back on instagram.I even unblocked him on whatsapp. He wasn't blocked on insta, I had just deactivated my account. Sothat. but didnt contact him. I didn't stalk anyone neough to hurt me, and plan on doing that cause that would be bad.I crashed right after.My mood in the morning was purely grumpy, but it was the first day I didn't immediately think about him after breaking up. I was grumpy because I was was aout to start my period. So I sat doing my puzzle to keep me occupied, watched a show, and later in the afternoon was dying of pain so just wanted to sleep.It was an extremely refreshing nap. I got up happy, like actuallyhappy that the pain was gone.I spoke to a friend and was chill. I feel a positive energy. Which is good. But I am also hoping that my extra dramatic break down yesterday was because I waspmsing and not cause I am that attached to him, cause if it is the second reason, then I am officially jacked. He barely crossed my mind today, i did view his activity but thats all, therewas nothing, and the fact that he received a letter and didn't bother to say anything about it didn't hurt me either. To hell with it, I tried being cute but if he still thinks it isn't enough then I guess I need to share my love with someone who appreciates it.Today after my period pain nap, my day was good, I was feeling refreshed, happy, spoke to a few friends and have a videocall with my college friends at night too. NO sad vibes today yay.It was a decent day I guess, went by, I did miss him, ran out of stuff to watch at night and wasnt getting sleep so decided to watch cartoons. At night I saw him online on discord, it didn't exactly hurt but I don't now, I acted immature and purposely stayed online so that he sees me online and wonders who I am talking to just like I was, and then after an hour or two of showing him that I was online, I logged off, ddn't want to linger on until he goes offline and I got hurt about the fact that he left without contacting me. Then I slept. I woke up in themorning to messages from him on whatsapp. He noticed that I had unblocked him, he said "greatt you've unblocked me" and "How are you doing". That's it, I hope it was the no contact ruleworking cause these texts from an ex are expected during no contact, casual ones saying hey whatsup types. I didn't respond and have no intention to do so for minimum 1 month but maximum 2 months. This is because he is gonna be in another state for another 1 month, where he might not miss me, but maybe him coming back after the 1 month and being in places where he has been with me, has happy memories, might make him wannna come back, so its possible that the no contact might be delayed for me due to his location. Other than that I am gonna work on my puzzleand research about going abroad cause moms started talking a lot about it.Completed a week you guys, day 7 is decent, I do have the no contact at the back of my mind but no sadness and stuff so doing good, tried doing my puzzle for most of the morning, lunch, etcwent about my day normally plus day two of ugly chums so moving is just annoying, but Im trying my best to. Can't entirely describe today, it isn't like I had too much to do but I wasn't alone, as I sat beside my sister. Heard reallly relatable break up songs suggested by my friend and absolutely loved them. Bless Grande, tayor, Olivia and all my galssss. But yeah dealt withthe day I guess. Emotionally im not entirey sure where I am today. Just didn't reply to him, it didn't give me any ego boost or cause me pain. Me sleeping in the afternoon wasn't nice. I had a dream about him. He had called me, in my dream and was talking on call with me. So he used to call me something, I am not going to reveal it but lets call it XYZ. So on call, he constantly said stuff like "I will not call you XYZ ha"and it was playfu. In the dream I felt a little rigid, and as far as I remember he was telling me that if I didn't say I love you to him he will stop calling me "XYZ". But I was firm annd being rude for some reason and didn't say it. But hearing his voice was nice, even though his voice had changed in the dream. I was happy while dreaming, and as soon as I woke up I felt pain. It was only a dream, he hadn't come back and it sucked. I got up, and the im not sure whatto call it, but the happiness in the dream lingered around, ony making me sad in real life about how the source of that happiness had left me.After that I busied myself, spent some time with my sister, had a long relaxing therapeutic bath and decided to watch a movie. Im honestly embarassed telling you guys the stupidity I ended up doing at night. I saw that he was online on discord again, except he wasn't just online, but was listening to songs. So thediscord showed me which songs he was listening to as well, and it was a break up playlist. Except I don't know if he does listen to those in general too. Or was missing ,e. So what i did was, tried to play my music too and communicate indirectly through lyrics. So for a long time I played songs that retaliated to his thinking he could actually me. But i later realised thathe wasnt able to see it as my settings to display it was off. So i was basically just showing him that I was onlinE. I FELT SO STUPID. After that he went offline, and I figured out my settings tilll then waiting to show him how I feel indirectly. It happened, he came online at night again, and I played a few songs, he wasn;t listening to songs at the time though, so hewas probably talking to someone. But anyways I did what I had to, showed him that I was listening to a few songs, through which I wanted to convery my message. Not sure if he saw it or notbut I did it. As soon as I finished I went offline. Continued with my stuff anf then the night was decent in the feeligs department, didnt miss him too much. But hadn't forgotten him either.I was successfully done with a week of no contact. Tuesday Morning (i.e. the 8th of june) I woke up again and I am sure I slept really well cause I had a dream about him again. Those dreams just felt nice,I loved being in the world of dreams which he was a part of. I was busy all morning, I took my dog to the parlour for a bath, which takes AGES. I drove around which was refreshing, with my mom but still its fun okay?! So I was basically occupied from 9 am to 2 pm, enjoyed and realised that I barely though about him. I did talk to a friend of mine and he asked me how I was doing as he is sort of going through the same thig, but he isn't as close so I kept the details to myself but it was nice tof him to check up and someone I could tell that um "Some days are difficult as I miss him but sometimes im too busy to notice." It made me feel as though if I go out, meet people, do actual work I honestly dont feel sad about him as such and I will move on. I felt good about myselfI came home and realised that his netflix had been extremely inactive. He had watched just a 45 min show 2 days ago and that was it. It made me think that maybe the no contact was causing mehim to miss me and kind of got my hopes high.I made plans to meet friends in the evening to take my mind off it. I was gonna take a nap, but my phone buzzed. For the first time in the week I thought it was a friend of mine calling tofinalise the time of the evening plan. But the number that flashed took me my surprise. It was his moms number. Now i picked up thinking, maybe he was really upset(Cause netflix was inactive + break up playlist) but The voice on the other end was a male one. It was his. It was just like the dream. A changed voice. I wanted o hear him say that he was sorry and he wanted to get me back but i hated the call. I picked up and said hey im a little busy right now I will call you back later. He said sure.That was me following my no contact and the brain talking.But 5 seconds after that call ended my heart took over, I wanted to talk to see if he wanted me back. So i called back saying that my sister did the work for me and I can talk. So he asked me whatsup and how I have been, to hich I said fine fine etc etc. I asked him why he called he said that his mom asked how I was and hence he called me.So I firmly said great, tell your mom im doing good. Then he asked me If i told anyone about the break up, and he was glad that I wasn't keeping it to myself and had someone to talk to. Because he knew I was someone who kept my feelings to myself and only used to tell him stuff. So I asked him how he was doing and his reply was "Um, I'm doing fine I guess, Good if not Better" I am really not sure what he meant but I kept it to myself and kept it as brief as I could. and ended the call with him saying that I could call him when ever andme just saying "Yeah sure" very curtly.After that one call, I didn't know what to do. I called my best friend immediately and told her, I didn't wanna listen to advice, just wanted to vent and express myself and she understood that. I tried sleeping but I couldn't, I abused him for ruining my happy frame of mind and confusing me I was angry that he was probably okay and him calling me did the exact opposite ofthat to me. H was toying with me, I didn't get seep, I missed him, i was angry that I ruined my no contact cause of it, I was irritated, and sad that he didn't want me bad. After that thephone rang again and this time i hoped it was him, but it was a frind calling for the evening plan. That annoyed me more because after a whole week I came to terms with the fact that eachtime my phone buzzes it wasn't going to be him. But no, it felt like we were back to square one and i probably didn't do the no contact properly. My sleep was gone, I was confused, I criedto my sister, im in such a bad mood right now I am angry, i am hurt, I am disappointed, I love him, but worst of all, he doesn't love me back and I have no idea what to do. So i guesss for now, I am going to go meet a few friends and try to distract myself. Maybe come back and give you more details about my feelings. So I took a break from writing realising that if I write when its happening I am an absolute mess. But after rationalising what happened, I realised that I was mainly sad. Beacause he hadn't called to tell me that he loves me or wants me back. But just to check up on me cause he is a decent human being I guess? He asked quite a few times if i was REALLY okay. The reasonI was angry was that, he had sort of tricked me into breaking my no contact rule. If it was his number calling me I wouldn't have picked up, whereas it was his moms number he tried fromSo I was mainly angry that I didn't do the no contact rule properly. But I looked up some more articles and what I did was the roght thing, told him that I was fine, partially crushing hisego, i guesss, I am not sure, but not giving hm that satisfaction that I am unhappy. Not because of my ego, but only because thats the psychology that hopefully makes him want me back.That is all I am doing this for. I really have a teeny tiny hope that somehwere somehow he will come back. I do love him, but I am not going to blame myself for the break up. There was nothing I did wrong/ could have dne differently honestly. I was me and um he decided I didn't love him enough apparently. But the reason for the break up is a story for another day. So I went for a drive with two of my guy friends and IT FELT SO GOOD honestly. After the call I was low and wanted to bail. But I am glad that I didn't cause it was really refreshing and tookmy mind off him completely. After I came back I was really happy and in a good mood. So I sat at night, watched some shows.That night, my mom came and we spoke for a really long time about me going abroad. We decided that this year was the right time to take GRE's etc etc. It was the perfect distraction. All the talk and research about me going abroad completely distracted my mind. After all this, I did check his onlone status on discord though, he seemed to be online on it for a few nights butno songs, so was probably taking to someone. It didn't hurt me as such but maybe I just wanted to feel connected to him in a way.All in all it was also a decent day, It whizzed by. I kept myself busy with puzzles, GRE research, spoke to friends, iternships and overall I have been ina decent state of mind. Ofcourse I miss him, wouldn't mind him coming back but all I can do right now is take this time for myself. Also this is creepy, but I do have a way in which I willknow when he comes back to my city. He had put his location on my GPS or something. (Do not ask me what how when, he was the tech genius). So basically I can see where he is, and will knowwhen he is back in town.9th june was just a nother normal day, with my puzzle, work, slept for the day no depression, did miss him but the feeligs weren't too heightened. Although I have to admit that I had found a new thing to keep looking at. I used ot keep checking his location. Not to talk bur just to feel connected in a way.It's not like I knew the roads in the city that he was staying in, so i couldnt even see who he was with or what he was doing or what ever. I just liked to know that he was the one who had done the google shared location on both our phones and that little thing between us felt good. I did sketch at night, listen to god music and basically enjoyed someme time. It felt therapeutic.

YOU ARE READING
How I am getting Through a break-up
Non-FictionHonestly, I love reading and figured out that writing stuff and putting it out there is liberating. So I decided to write down everything I feel at each point through my break up so that others going through the same ting can relate and I can probab...