How I am getting Through a break-up

Chapter - 9

So for the past 2-3 days, I hadn't seen him online on whatsapp/ discord. On 3rd July at night I did, at like 2 am. I know him really well. I know his schedule etc. I know it isn't my place to be analysing all this anymore but its in my nature, so I got to deal with it until I am over him. He was online7- 8 mins, and none of the friends he usually talks to, were online. I didn't feel bad honestly. I considered there being a girl, because he had made a new friend at the place he was staying. When we were together he hadn't assured me about her like he usually does. And at that time we were anyways drifting so I didn't push it. I don't want to accuse him or jump to conclusions, but he could be talking to her/ have a little something with her. It was a possibility. Surprisingly this didn't make me sad. It is possible that if I get a face etc etc I might get insecure but the idea of him being with someone else that came to my mind didn't hurt me as much as I thought it would. After that he went offline, and wasn't on anything. I really do wonder what he does at night, because he literally doesn't even touc Netflix. Moreover, it meant that he doesn't check Instagram frequently for my stories. Because he did have his phone but didn't check Instagram. These are just conclusions honestly, out of curiosity maybe, but not from a place of wanting him back. You can say it is just me being really really nosey.

So today is the 4th of July. It's a Sunday. So last night I had put a story, just for him to see. It was of drinks, my dads hand and a third glass, it looked like I was drinking with one guy and the third person was unknown. Plus I didn't tag anybody. He only saw it on the morning of the 4th. But yeah when I got up that was the first thing I wanted to check. Today I was supposed to finally buy stuff for my GRE classes. I was about to, when my nanny, who basically raised me, and considers me her daughter came over. She was with us for 3-4 hours then and that's how my morning went. It was nice meeting her after so long. Then I slept in the afternoon. I want to practice driving, so I will probably go with my dad in the evening. My building friend did ask to go for a drive, but I didn't feel like, so I refused. Will come back and hopefully join the classes. I am nervous though. I will come back and tell you all about the plans I have with regard to contacting him again.

So I went for a really long drive with my grandmom and dad and the dog. I drove well! So I have decided to give my GRE in December, max january but I don't want to postpone it that much. His birthday falls in September. I plan to not wish him on his birthday. I will directly talk to him in October. Hopefully he doesn't hate me by then becausehe has to understand that I needed time for myself. I do hope he is back in town by then though otherwise it sucks. I refuse to message him while he is there honesty. That place just hasn't provedn to be lucky for us, exactly the opposite if it must. Issue is, when I do message him, I want to be able to meet him. Talk to him nicely, decide to be friends and a positive presence in each others life. Because we have been through stuff most couples haven't and helped each other out. Until then I am not going to communicate with him. I will choose which stories he should see, and which ones he shouldn't. But actually on second that I am going to keep him there, he can watch my life, its his choice. The hiding story was when I wanted him back as a boyfriend(mystery and him being curious about me types) but that isn't what I want now. So my end semesters are in October, I will message him between that and my GRE. It might seem selfish, but I want him in my life when I give my GRE, like I said, he is important ot me and I like his presence at important stages of my life. Tomorrow onwards I am going to be studying for my GRE. It is a whole new journey for me. I hope to do well in it so I can go abroad.

It's official. I hate periods, they make me so cranky I HATE it. I was discussing stuff with my mom and usually am unaffected by her screaming shouting, right now she wasn't even shouting at me, and I got cranky, so cranky with actual tears and all. URGH, HATE IT.

I missed him a little today, I was watching my show, its probably both cause of what was happening in the show, as well as my PMS, but I miss him a little. It made me sad, it happened really suddenly. I miss talking to him, even if it meant having an argument or playing games cause we know each others behavioural pattern(okay I think it's the show affecting my feelings because this is happening in the the show).