How I am getting Through a break-up

Chapter-7

The next day, I woke up, went about my routine as per usual and was supposed to meet my cousin in the evening. One thing that was at the back of my mind was the fact that when we were together, he had told me he might be back on 25th of June. I don't know if he will or not, but ow that's all I could hold on to. So kept wondering on 24th if he was going to take the vaccine on that day, I had feeling he did. Knowing our creepy connection/ telepathy thing I wouldn't ven be surprised if he took it on the same day I had a feeling he took it. The reason he had to extend his stay there was because he needed to take both doses from the same place. And apparently a month was over, now I don't know when he will be back, I did check the device locations on his Netflix history but its all weird, and some showed the city he was in, but some showed my city too, so ill know for sure that he is back when all, completely stop showing his city, ill know that he and is family have returned. I did meet my cousin in the evening, it was fun, I told her everything and she was so sweet about it, she seemed genuinely concerned, suggested things, told me how she went through stuff, etc etc. It was good to know I had one more person to share my stuff with. I realised I was talking to more people, who genuinely cared, chilled, were fun to hang out with, and I had a social life outside this boyfriend drama. After meeting her, I came home and then did nothing interesting as such, just the regular stuff and went off to sleep.

26th June was just another regular day, had college in the morning, so most of my day whizzed by. Napped in the afternoon. What sucked about the afternoon nap was my dream (YES, AGAIN!).In the dream, he had never broken up wih me, it was mis communication or something and when we spoke about it, we realised the game did it to us, and that we never broke up. Honestly, these kinds of dreams suck, cause when you wake up, reality strikes, and it isn't a pretty sight.

I do check his Netflix history, but at this point idk what joy I get out of it honestly, it doesn't make me happy or sad plus im not rooting for him to watch any particular part. In the evening I had some me time, and I was alone in the house, yet my separation anxiety, and need to have someone to talk to didn't bug me. I did my owns tuff and had fun. At night though I saw discord and he was on it. He was listening to songs. Honestly speaking, he keeps listening to break up songs I don't know why, I don't wanna get my hopes up because it doesn't seem like he is ever getting back but a teeny tiny ray of hope is there. Because, I get listening to songs, its normal, but why will someone open discord and listen, unless he is sharing it with someone else, but that I not my concern, so I only showed him that I was online, didn't show him any songs. But on Friday night I didn't have work to do as such, and like they say, an empty mind is a devils workshop, I couldn't help thinking about him. Was he back? Does he care about me even a little bit, etc etc, I watched a documentary on a girl who went through a break up, she cried so much but I think to some extent I am in denial, like um, the way she felt about her never seeing him again, I doubt that realisation has hit me yet. So I did that, chilled, and watched a show at night, not too much. Although one strange thing that I do is, which ever songs he plays I take screenshots of. To see the lyrics, and to check if it's a break up song.

Man, I woke up on 26th morning(Saturday), and saw a post, it was a couples one where there is a coupon, unlimited access, no expiration date and um it reminded me of him so much that it made me wanna send it to him. But I knew it was wrong. We had done something VERY similar, it was almost like the internet copied us.

I felt weird today. It wasn't a good feeling. I had a party today, and yeah I was excited to go, excited to dress up etc etc , but right after, I decided to go off all social media platforms (again). I thought I needed it. I would enjoy tonight, ad right after, sit in the house (go for walks and all of course) but still. Not meet anyone, delete Instagram, delete snapchat, focus on studying, focus on GRE and do my own things, grow basically. I don't know what suddenly got into me. The initial plan was to just stop posting stories so that he wonders where I am, but that would be a decision about him, not for myself, whereas me going off social media is a decision made for myself, my personal growth and mental health. I will only be available on calls and Whatsapp. I don't know how I am going to get myself to stop checking his discord, maybe I won't but ill hide my online status from him. So for him I have vanished. This is also because I realised that right now he is seeing my stories, knows what I am up to, but maybe the minute he stops getting updates he starts getting more curious about me. For example when he wasn't following me on insta, he sent a request and I heard from him. Gonna play hot and cold, but not with him, but with exposing my life to him. Also, for the party in the evening, I am going to be wearing a necklace. He likes me in those, but I wont wear the one by him, just enough for him to remember some things he did like about me.