How I am getting Through a break-up

Chapter-11

So it is 15th July I was lying in bed just watching my show cause I am really sick. And my sister shows me a photo from theother end of the room, I saw it with the corner of my eye and asked "Is it him? Did he post" Then I told her "Don't show it to me please.", and two seconds later I nearly snatched it from her " It was with a girl, I asked who, and it was his mom.

The caption said "Honey bunny" I don't know if it is me overthinking but I used to call hum sunny bunny for fum. Except he knows that I don't follow him, so maybe I am unnecessarily getting my hopes up.

But I swear to god he never posts, I don't know how he is suddenly so active. And now he will have 1000 girls comment, which I am partially glad I have no access to cause I will be crushed. As soon as I saw it my heartbeat became so fast I could feel it, I wasn't even sure something like this was possible. I don't know how I feel about it but the caption in my head makes my heart hope it is related to me, but my brain knows I really shouldn't think of it that way because he might have(and mostly has) already moved on, is happy and the post might have NOTHING to do with me because he knows I don't even follow him.

Man everything sucks.

Shit. I think I am going to get a heart attack. I logged into Instagram on my laptop with my sisters account. And stalked the account. No man, it has nothing to do with me. He has tagged that other girl in his photo with his mother. He is over me, probably with her. I need to cut him out. There is no going back.

I am so angry and hurt, and as soon as I saw it, both my parents(who are in a very toxic relationship) were arguing in the room saying nasty things and I started to tear up. Issue was I couldn't even walk out of the room because mom had come to the room for my medications and to apply the serum on my tonsils. So I sat there, with tears in my eyes and no one realised while she did it because she either didn't see it or thought it was because of the medicine. It hurts so much. I love my sister, she purposely didn't show it to me when I forced her because she must have seen the girl tagged and didn't want me hurt. I am never going to stalk his account. I am removing him from discord and everything now, So I won't be able to see his online status there. I am going to delete his number so I don't have easy access to his online status. Ofcourse I know his number but wh will keep saving it to just see his online status. I am done. I don't want to be associated with him anymore I am done.

I am not going to even tell my best friend this, she has more important things to deal with.

I hate him. I absolutely hate him for putting me through this.

Man this is so hard to digest I just had 2 short crying sessions, but I need to get over this. Even when he is back I am not going to message or do any such thing. I thought maybe in a few months ill talk or what ever because I was sure he may not have a new girl as yet. But now, he doesn't deserve me in hi slife, I am going to unfollow 2/3 of his friends because one I kind of talk to, the other two were only there because of him.

Done, I have no access to those two what so ever. And now I know I won't have it in me to send them follow requests either cause that just looks weird.

Losing feelings I understand, but man I related to olivias's "Traitor" so much.

"You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks"

I need to get over this man. There is no way he is re entering. And honestly I was like this throughout. This stupid show that I am watching is what is giving me hope. I am going to watch this one last episode and tomorrow, how ever sick I am, get up and start studying, get myself together.

Done, I unfollowed, deleted his number and all our call logs, even our whatsapp chat. I think this is the closure that I needed and wanted. Because him ending it nicely only made me think there was hope, whereas this has made me angry enough to make sure and undetand that he isn't ever coming back. I am not going to jump into a relationship until I have healed and sure that what ever happens in this guys life isn't going to affect me. I am done.