Chapter-16

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On 19th August, I was very happy, satisfied, thought I am over, ready to move on, sad song s didnt make me sad, didn't get cranky, walked, studied etc etc. Angry at mom and all, felt like a changed person who didn't want to take bs frm anyone.trekking plan ish, etc etc.

20th August,  weirdly thought about something related to him first thing in the morning, and got up with a pittish feeling, but it lasted for 5 mins and went. Somewehre I felt like I wasn't over him, the yesterdays effect wore off. Ish. But not really, still happy, shama aunty came, SWAMPED WITH WORK, gre, projects essays, spoke to dev, spoke to prakriti. Have been having dreams but don't remember them when I wake up, I remember them randomly in the day but then idc about them.

At night of 20th, so it was after 12 and basically 21st, 10 days had gone by, I check activity.

The last 3 days I have really been busy. No time for my social life, college gives 1-2 assignments almost everyday. College committee work. Gre prep, and then me time, when I watch something. Like I really need that, over spending time with others. I think to some extent I have made peace with the fact that he and I aren't getting back. It is okay. I have a beautiful life ahead of me filled with plenty of love, I will reach out to him on 28th, when I have my tri. I am happy, and been stressed and irritable ately cause GRE is very important for me. So in a way it is good, I feel like myself. I talk to friends occasionally, I am happy, but haven't gotten time to meet them. Which is okay I guess. I am not complaining, and when I do get frustrated, I will definitely get out and meet who ever, when ever. I saw his Netflix a couple of times, but it doesn't affect me at all, I really needed the 10 days away from it. Now even though I have access I don't care about what he is watching. I will admit that I go to check it, but seldom, and not because he is my guy and I should know what he is upto, but just cause I am bored. What he watches, when he watches, who he watches it with doesn't matter, moreover him coming back also I don't really feel anything towards. Like I used to get excited when I though tthat he is back, but now it's okay I guess, he will come when he wants, if he wants. And him staying back for his girlfriend also I have made peace with. It Is okay, someday I will have something like that too, just not right now cause I genuinely do not have time for a relationship. Again, I am fine with it, happy and content. I do want him as a friend though, because somewhere I liked his presence in my life. I will feel bad for sure if he says he can't stay friends because of his new girlfriend. Like eve if we are friends I don't mind meeting his girlfriend, being okay with her and being COMPLETELYplatonic with him. I just like him as a person.

It is the 25th of august. Something really snapped in me in a good way. I do think about him, but I guess I am over him. Today for instance I went with mom to an area 1 hour away from my area, and him and I had gone there once, I said something about that trip to mom and it didn't affect me. I have a house I went to after 3 yearsin that area, and usually when I do such interesting stuff I always wanted to tel him. For example when my UK friend came down. That feeling did not come this time, I had a good time, drove, I didn't wish he was in my life so that I could tell him or any such thing. I just thought of how the old me would have felt upset and felt the need tot ell him what I was doing etc etc. Probably makes no sense to you guys, but it is an inner feeling I can't explain. I hope this goes on because I really feel like I am over him. No hate for him, no urge to get back, I don't even want to play games. I think I am ready to be friends. Moreover today I finally dumped our picks and stuff onto a pendrive, not out of hate or fear of seeing it, but because I am ready to close that aspect of our chapter, plus it is kind of a highlight of my life, so why ruthlessly destroy it. He is still important to me, but I am okay with not being with him in a romantic relationship.I rarely write anymore because there are no feelings about him as such. My days are busy, with work, college, studying, projects , assignments, BARELY talking to friends. I am very content with life currently and myself. So hence forth I don't feel the need to write, unless something strikes me and causes me to have a break down and realise that I have feelings for him and that this was just a part of me feeling good one off times in my healing process. God I hope I don't fall back into the sad hole about my feelings for him, I feel good.And hpe that me feeling as though I am over him isn't temporary.

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⏰ Last updated: Sep 01, 2021 ⏰

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