Let Me Carry You (Carry You Home)

12: You Can Lean On Me

Vulnerability isn't the opposite of strength. It's a necessary part. You have to force yourselves to open up, to expose ourselves, to offer everything we have and just pray that it's good enough. Otherwise, we'll never succeed.

On Monday morning, Maya walked into the station with a heavy heart. There hadn't been much change over the weekend like she hoped there would be, and leaving Sarah when things were like this was... a feeling she hoped she'd never get again. With a heavy exhale, Maya dropped her stuff in her office, closed the door and went up to the beanery to greet the team, who greeted her with smiles.

"Hey Cap, how are you holding up?" Travis asked gently.

"Not great," Maya admitted, pouring herself a cup of coffee. In truth, she hadn't thought much about what Dixon had said about her. It went on the back burner once they saw how Sarah was doing. While Micheal Dixon meant absolutely nothing to her, his cruel words still hurt. Logically, Maya knew that those words should have little impact on how she saw herself, but insecurity wasn't always logical. Thinking back about what Micheal Dixon said about her... Maya felt that it wasn't as important as helping Sarah.

"How's Sarah?" Vic asked, voice full of concern. In the couple of weeks that Maya and Carina had Sarah, the team quickly fell in love with her like she was one of their own. Their little duckling. Maya found their care incredibly touching.

"Not great, either. That confession was... a lot for us, but for her... it's unimaginable. She's barely eating, sleeping and is non verbal at this point. She's shutting down. We had to send her to school today, because neither Carina or I can take more time off. The therapist that we found for her is supposed to see her this morning, which I hope brings something good," Maya explained, rubbing her hands over her face. Her heart longed to be beside Sarah, to wrap her in a hug and never let go.

Was this what it was like for mothers to be separated from their kids?

"Is she coming here after school? We can give her lots of love," Andy offered, anxious to shower Sarah in hugs, and was sad when Maya shook her head.

"She's going to the hospital for her four week check up from surgery;"

Before anyone else could ask anything, the station alarm went, starting their day.

———

Maya had dropped Sarah off at school in the morning reluctantly. They all knew that Maya couldn't take more time off, but Maya felt guilty about leaving Sarah there, knowing she was in so much pain. After giving her a big hug and a shoulder squeeze, Maya reluctantly left. Sarah watched her foster mom go, feeling so conflicted. She wanted to scream for Maya to stay and to tell her everything that was plaguing her, but the nasty voice inside her head said that she was burdening Maya and Carina, who had given everything to her.

So, Sarah stayed silent. It was exhausting; her grief was eating her alive. As a part of her discharge plan given by Doctor Miranda Bailey, Sarah would be spending her school days down in the guidance counselor's office until she was cleared by her team of doctors at Grey-Sloan.

Once she was cleared, she would go back to regular activity with her peers but until they could solidify Sarah's mental health progress was headed in the right direction, Sarah was to remain in a one-on-one environment.

According to her foster moms, the therapist that they'd scheduled Sarah in for was coming this morning. Sarah wasn't entirely sure how to feel about that, given that speaking itself still felt incredibly hard, but Sarah knew that she needed help. She needed to be able to communicate with her foster moms, to tell them how she felt, to ask for support, but Sarah was tired of feeling weak and vulnerable.