The Time You Held My Hand

Theo XII

It's been a few weeks since Lucas's incident. Both of us are better now. Lucas is back to his normal routine and I continue to play the main role in it.

Back to having meals together in school, walks back to class, and spending time together on Fridays. It makes both of us happy in a way. It's hard trying to see Lucas as just a best friend, I like him in all honesty.

Our school is organizing a dinner party to celebrate its 300th year anniversary. Our school history is a long story. Patrick and I were going to attend because we've attended a camp in the previous year where we've met up with students from all around Malaysia coming from the same school.

I asked Lucas if he wanted to come because it was the night before his birthday. It would be nice to meet new people for him. I want this to be my last gesture of affection towards Lucas. Lucas agreed to come and even drove me to the venue.

A few of us arrived early at the venue and we were asked to be part of the fashion show to showcase the T-shirts that have been printed for the camps we've attended. "Should I join?" Lucas asked.

"Go ahead and join. It's a new experience for you," I said. Shortly after, I left with another friend of mine to pick up someone who ended up at the wrong venue. When I came back, I could see Lucas helping out with the preparations, talking to my friends, and just enjoying himself.

The dinner party was great. We all enjoyed the food, the entertainment, the music, and the party. Like Cinderella, we had to rush home. We had a curfew; we can't stay out too late because we're still students in high school.

It was the night before Lucas's birthday. We're one-two hours away from midnight. We're at the entrance of the venue, getting ready to take our leave. Lucas brought me here but I'll be following Patrick home instead because our homes are nearer to each other.

"Alright bye now! Safe drive back home," Patrick said while waving goodbye to Lucas.

I ran up to Lucas. "Lucas!"

"Drive home safely alright," I said as I gave Lucas a big hug. "I will," Lucas replied while hugging me back.

"And Happy Birthday," I said as I gave Lucas a kiss on the cheek and hurried off to catch up with Patrick. "What happened? Why are you smiling so happily?" Patrick asked.

"Nothing happened," I replied. I was happy because I felt brave. I had the courage to do it and it may also be my last affectionate gesture towards Lucas. I messaged Lucas on the way home to make sure he was doing well.

"I'm stuck in a jam, unfortunately. I'll probably arrive home in an hour," Lucas said over text.

"Are you feeling sleepy? Do you want me to call you and keep you company?"

"I'm good. I'm pretty happy now," Lucas answered. I had a feeling he was happy because of the kiss and I'm glad.

It feels as if Lucas and I were back to being together. It's as if we are an actual couple finally but that's not the case. Moments with Lucas slowly felt different.

There was a time where Lucas came over and took a nap in my room. I took a nap too when suddenly Lucas turned around and hugged me. I was shocked. I couldn't sleep peacefully. I looked over and Lucas was still fast asleep. He probably doesn't know that he hugged me in his sleep.

After Lucas woke up, I told him about what he did.

"Did you know that you hugged me just now?"

"Seriously? Are you sure I did that?" Lucas asked in disbelief as if I made up the scenario.

"Yeah, I'm sure you did it. Anyways, it's time for you to go already," I answered. Lucas looked over at me. "Why do you look sad?"

"We don't get a lot of time to spend with each other now. We're both so busy," I said while looking down. "Don't worry. We'll get to spend some time together soon," Lucas said as he approaches my face as if wanting to give me a kiss on the cheek.

It never happened.

The reason why we're so busy is that we were wrapping up our work for the annual school magazine. My teacher, Ms. Em had me working in our school's archive to dig up some old pictures. The school archive was small yet comfortable. The space was just right for me to work alone inside.

Lucas came in unannounced. "Do you need help?"

Lucas wasn't much help. He was sitting around, looking at the pictures and just talking to me. "This cap looks great!" Lucas said while trying on an old dusty cap.

"Give it back," I said as I try to reach for it. "Give me a kiss first, then I'll give it back to you," Lucas said; teasing me before our teacher came in.

"Lucas! You're not helping, right? Go down and help Patrick instead," Ms. Em said as she helped me sort through the photos.

Ms. Em is the teacher-in-charge of the school magazine. She's very nice and is always listening to our student gossip and stories. When she got to know about my feelings towards Lucas, she was shocked.

"What did I miss when I was gone?! You guys have to update me! What is this about Theo dating Lucas?"

Lucas feels different now. The time spent with him feels insufficient compared to last time. His affectionate towards me feels forced; as if not sincere. Our text messages have lessened. I couldn't help celebrate his birthday properly either. I ordered a cake to be delivered after school but Lucas said he had last-minute plans and quickly left after cutting the cake.