The Time You Held My Hand

Theo XIII

My dream is to become a writer. I started writing back in Year 2 of high school because Iman and Adam were working on a story. I volunteered to write it while both of them did character designs, drawings, and many more.

Over time, I realized I really liked writing so I decided to write my own story. I got Iman, Adam, and the others to contribute and be part of it. Each of them contributed a character to the story. The story was completed within a year, got over a thousand views but it definitely wasn't my best work.

Year 4 came and I was given the opportunity to work with some amazing people. I formed a group with students my age to promote the world of art. It was like entrepreneur work. We were independent; with just our mentors guiding us on how to tackle the outside world. They gave me an opportunity of a lifetime; to write a book.

I was given the job to write a book about their journey to success. It was something new I've never tried before but I still wanted to give it a try regardless.

I tried my hardest at completing the book while still attending school work, being with friends and also family. I was really happy because I was able to take a step closer to my dreams but; Fate has other plans for me.

A fight happened between Iman, Adam, and I. We fought about me not spending enough time with them. I was too focused on my own work that I forgot about my friends. I was making too many new friends that I neglected them. I was called out as a person who wants to claim everything as their own. The plans I made with my best friends, the book I've written with, they said I could claim it all as my own.

At this point, I felt overwhelmed. I didn't think that would be what my best friends thought of while I was reaching for my goal. It feels as if a knife has stabbed through my heart.

What made me feel worse is that Shahril and the rest of my friends in the group said nothing. No one said anything, no one sided with anyone. I felt that if someone at least said something, perhaps I could have assessed the situation better.

I stayed silent; I don't feel like talking to anyone about anything. The only one I talked to was my mom.

That night, Lucas texted me.

"Theo, what happened?" Lucas asked. I didn't feel like explaining anything to him. He is in the same WhatsApp group where the argument happened after all.

I was in a state of disbelief and Lucas called me on the phone.

"Theo, you should be grateful. You have so many best friends like Iman and the rest. I only have you as a best friend. You shouldn't let small feuds like this end your friendship,"

"Are you calling to comfort me or compare your life to mine?" I asked in frustration.

"Theo, I'm not comparing. You need to understand," Lucas replied.

My frustration level went up by a ton until my brother burst into my room.

"Hey! Your soju is ready! Do you want to have it or not?" He asked.

My brother was home that night and had asked me if I wanted to have a drink with him. My brother occasionally comes home and will invite me to drink with him. He says it's training for me in the future. I disagree with drinking with my brother most of the time but I want to drink this time. I want to release my frustration.

I told Lucas I was going to go off.

"Where are you going?" Lucas asked.

"Eat,"

"I thought you've eaten already?" Lucas continues asking.

"I'm going for seconds," I was getting frustrated answering Lucas's questions. I hung up immediately. I started drinking with my brother, playing Rock-Paper-Scissors while eating almonds. It helped me relaxed a lot.

The days in school were hard. I no longer talk to Iman and the others in the school. We sit on separate ends of the same table. We don't look at each other, we don't interact with one another, we don't eat together anymore.

Being around them feels suffocating. I feel like I can't breathe properly and I'm grasping for air. Jaren, Rohan, and Lucas were my companions during this time. It was a change I wasn't ready for. I tried to adapt to not being with my best friends anymore.

Slowly I got used to not being around Iman and the others. We were preparing for our final major exam; we had a lot of workshops together but we are always separated. None of our friends questioned anything; maybe because no one noticed anything or maybe they just didn't care.

One day, I was walking home with Jaren. We were heading to the train station and I saw Lucas across the road, in a shop with a girl. The girl was Rachel; the same girl I met back at the café. I was curious but I didn't want to walk over and ask why Lucas was there with her.

After a while, Lucas messaged me.

"Just so you know, I'm not on a date," Lucas said.

I didn't ask. I didn't want to know but I was jealous. I was jealous that he was being with someone else. I wanted to be that person with him.

"I never asked," I replied.

"Are you jealous?" Lucas asked.

I was! I was jealous! I was frustrated and I just got over my frustration but now I have to face this. I didn't want to admit it. Why would I admit to Lucas I was jealous of him being with another girl?

"No! Why would I be jealous? You can be with whoever you want to be. It's none of my business," I said.