The Time You Held My Hand

Theo XIV

It's been close to a month since the fight with Iman and the rest. We're still not talking; we don't eat together or do anything together. The only time we did anything together was the Teacher's Appreciation party.

In the final years; we're going to have our last major exams. We're throwing a party for the teachers. It's a party to appreciate them for what they've done for us. As the one in charge of my class, I have no way out of not talking to Adam who I share the same class with. Regardless of any reason at all, the party was a success.

Ms. Em realized something was wrong between us. She questioned of course. It wasn't a story I wanted people. I don't want people to hear my side of the story and side with me. I saw this feud as an opportunity to leave and start anew. I explained to Ms. Em and she was supportive of me. She told me that I can do what I feel is right and I chose to start anew.

I was feeling whole again. I felt relieved, I can breathe properly, I was one step closer to my dreams. My moments with Lucas?

We were supposed to go out on a proper date. An official one, just two of us.

"What do you want to do on the date?" Lucas asked.

"I don't know. Aren't you the one who's planning it?" I answered.

Both of us are busy with our lives. I'm busy devoting myself to writing my book. I'm outside most of the time, with my friends, and working on something new. Lucas is also out most of the time. He devotes himself to his organization and his family. Despite our busy lives, we try our best to talk to each other as much as we can.

Lucas had agreed to take me out on a date. He had a day planned out; I was excited. I couldn't wait.

I was waiting for Lucas to update me. What time are we leaving, where are we going, what is the whole agenda. There was nothing from him on the day prior to the date. I like to be prepared or at least, I want assurance that the plan was still on.

I messaged Lucas.

"So...what time are we leaving tomorrow?"

"I'm in a meeting, text you later," Lucas replied. I'll be honest, I felt a sting upon that reply. It made me like I was less important but I waited anyway. After dinner, I texted Lucas again, asking the same question.

"Sorry, I don't think I can make it tomorrow," Lucas canceled.

I was mad. I would have been madder if it was canceled the next day but I was mad. I don't like last-minute cancellations. I questioned why.

Lucas explained that family issues came up, that is why he couldn't make it. Lucas never reached out to me until I texted him. I felt like I wouldn't know there would be a cancellation if I never asked.

Lucas got frustrated at me. He said I was being angry at him; I was. He said he returned home, his mother was scolding him and then I came and continued the streak. Both of us were frustrated. I wanted an apology from Lucas for making such a last-minute cancellation.

"You're already angry! What's the point of me apologizing?" Lucas said.

I told Lucas. I don't want to argue with him. I don't want to get into a fight so I left Lucas as he is. The next day, I messaged Lucas.

I felt bad. I felt like I was unreasonable. I probably shouldn't have been angry at Lucas. I wanted to clear things up between us.

"Hey, Lucas. I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I was angry. I just wished you'd tell me earlier rather than just yesterday," I said, hoping to make things better between us.

Both of us have been getting into small feuds lately and it's because of our different looks of life.

"I know you're mad but you have to understand. I'm the oldest child in the family. I need to take care of my siblings and help my parents out," Lucas explained.

I wasn't asking for an explanation because I felt like I was at fault. I was unreasonable but I wasn't expecting Lucas to bring up the issue of being the oldest child.

"I'll bring you out on another date," Lucas said. I want to trust Lucas but this wasn't the first time Lucas pulled out of something last minute. He did it before back in school for a Peace Week activity I was conducting. He left for home early when he was supposed to stay back for a video recording despite being told in advance. I was mad at that time because I was in charge of the video recording with Jaren and we had to finish recording everyone's entry on that day. If I was given an earlier notice that someone would not be able to make it, I would be less mad but I was notified during the shoot.

When I expressed my anger, Lucas said it wasn't his choice to leave early. His mother had made plans last minute and he had to go. Both of us were mad. While I continued the recording with Jaren, Lucas just came into the room, grabbed his bag, and left by slamming the door.

I can't trust Lucas that easily anymore when it comes to commitment to plans.

"Then gain my trust," I replied to Lucas.

"Can you wait for me? I'll bring you out after I come back from my family vacation in December,"

I don't know if I can look forward to it. I just don't know.

Lucas played a role in reuniting me with Iman and the others. Lucas said;

"Theo. Iman and the others would like to apologize to you as well so why don't you try reuniting with them?" Lucas asked me.

"I'll be willing if everyone is willing," I said. I was willing to give it a try. I trust Lucas.