The Way You Broke Me /on hold

My life is going down the drain/un edited

~Alexandria~ 

I clear my throat in hopes that the lump in it will go away. It doesn't, in fact, it only makes it worse. We sat in the same position for three hours now, still trying to wrap our heads around what just happened. It wasn't my first time seeing a dead body and probably not the last as well, but it never touched me this much, it never hurt as it did two hours ago, most mothers would still be crying, be in denial, try and convince them selfs that its all a bad dream and they were going to wake up in a few minutes and everything will go back to normal.

 Normal is a word we use to describe something that we are used to, like having coffee in the morning, but my normal is watching people drop dead before my eyes, listening to them beg for mercy, signing contracts, forming alliances, and trying to accept the cruel world that surrounds us. At this very moment, everything was supposed to be normal, So why wasn't it? 

Taking in a deep breath I open my eyes. I have to get my shit together, we have already wasted too much time.

Lucifer and I stood up, taking one last look at our daughter, and then turned away to the door. Isabell glances at me with sadness in her eyes, her cheeks were still wet from crying and her eyes were pink and puffy. I looked back at her and threw her a small, sad smile.

I walk out of the house and take in a deep breath of fresh air, my clothes were stained with blood, and my hands were covered in it. My hair was messy, and my eyes were empty, just like they were after every important relative of mine died.

I run my hand through my hair and think of what I need to do now. I had to focus, on Diego and all this shit that he caused. I haven't noticed that Angelo was sitting on a bench near to me. He wasn't crying, he wasn't laughing, he wasn't moving, he was just thinking, just like I was. I took a few steps forward and sat on the bench next to him. It was cold, the word wasn't completely dry for some reason, The white paint was chipped away in some places and a gold plate was patched on it.

We sat in silence for a few more minutes, just thinking until Angelo interrupted the silence "She was like a daughter to me". Angelo was by far Corolines favorite uncle. He understood her, and she understood him. I placed my hand over his and leaned back a little. "I know," I said in a small whisper. A soft smile made its way onto his lips as he probably recalled some memory of the two of them.

"You know when I would stay over to watch her when you had something come up" I nod at his words "Well when you would go, she would ask me to play poker with her." He made a pause, "a four-year-old would ask me to play poker and then proceed to beat me in it" I laughed a little, she was definitely my child

"You probably lost a lot of money," I said as he squeezed my hand.

"What are we going to do now?" he asked blankly, while still looking into the garden. I sighed, it was a hard question that I was asking myself my whole life, and the answer was always the same.

"Have a meeting, grieve, cry a bit and then get over it, have a meeting once again, and then put our big kid pants on and deal with our problems" I say. My words linger in the air a bit more before he looks at me.

"How?" I don't know

"Some way or another" I give him a small answer and stand up. "I have to change tell everybody to be at the house in two hours, im heading back" he nods "Oh and, tell Lucifer to get home I don't want him getting sick he whines like a child then" I leave the property shortly after I say that.

~~~

The water was hot and comforting, yet I didn't feel any comfort. It was dark, I didn't bother to put the lights on, darkness was way more welcoming than light. Only darkness truly understood me, knew me, and accepted me, and I found my way in it. The water hit my bare skin and washed all the blood off it. Even without light, I could perfectly see it, the way it was washing away and going down the drain. Sometimes I wonder if in hell my punishment will be to drowning the blood I spilled or caused to spill.