Get Up Again

-sixteen-

"What do you mean?" I asked, even though I knew very well what he meant. 

"Your father has been hurting me and my personal life for a long time." He answered. I was clutching Hiro's shirt like I was about to fall into a abyss of darkness if I let go. 

"How long?" I asked. All I could think of was how he kicked us out of the house. "When did you start dating her?"

"I think since I was 14." He answered. My heart screamed. 

He's a year older than me. That means that Baba had started that relationship since I was 13. 

When he kicked all of us out of the house. When he took that knife one night and made me break my salah so that he could give me three scars that went down my left cheeks like a trail of jagged tears. 

How many sins can one commit??? How many times can you disobey Allah like that?? What's the point? Why would you even do that, is my question. He knows that Allah exists and he knows that there will consequences if he continues to do what he's doing. Does he really want Allah's wrath? 

I sighed. "He kicked us out because of her?"

Hiro shrugged. "Possibly." 

Why Allah? Why would he trade her for my mom?! Mom was the best. And he threw us out, he broke the law, for someone like Doris? 

"Hiro." He looked at me and there was so much pain and regret in his eyes. That made my heart bolt and I felt like I was about to faint.

"Hmm?" He stroked my back, and I didn't know if it was for himself, or for me. Maybe it was for both of us. I don't know. 

"How long have you known my father?" I asked. Because I knew that if he knew my father, then he would know about me and Taif. 

"Since I was 8." He answered. My heart beat was so loud, I was scared that he could hear it. "I've known about you for a long time."

"Hiro!" I hugged him. "That means so much to me! It's like Allah made you know about me before. Like He was trying to tell you something!!!" 

"Kayandi, are you okay?" He sounded confused. "For Allah's sake, Neya, you're scaring me. I though you would scream at me or something."

"Why would I scream at you?" I asked, very confused. "There's no reason for me to scream at you. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I mentioned my ex." Hiro said. I let go of him and rolled my eyes. He looked at me, a serious look on his face. "That should have a effect on you."

"You weren't even Muslim then, and I didn't even know you." I answered. "If Allah forgave all of your sins that you committed before you reverted to Islam, why should I be mad, or even disturbed by it?"

"That's not why you should be mad Kayandi." He said. He grabbed the remote for the TV and turned it off. "You should be mad because Doris, who is my ex, is having a relationship with your father, which could possibly be the reason why he went crazy on you and your brother and your mom, and I've been married to you for more than a month now and I didn't tell you."

"You know that Allah didn't make me that type of person Hiro." I told him. "That would be a stupid way to start a fight."

"But Neya-" I put my hand up, and gave him a smile. 

"No buts." I said. I grabbed my walker and stood up. "No 'what ifs', which come from Shaytan. We need to stay focused on the task at hand, which is to stay alive and worship Allah. We need to think about getting to Jannah without having to look out for someone who is trying to kill us. We can't think about things like that. We need to think about now."

He crossed his arms and lended against the wall. Why do you have to do that now?! Don't you know that you are like a trigger for me. For Allah's sake, you're the only person who I can't control myself in front of. Right now is not the time for your temptations. 

"Are you going to keep lecturing me?" He asked. 

"Are you going to keep interpreting me?" I fired back. He thought about it for a moment, then gave me a smirk and nodded. 

"I'm not joking you know that right?" I was using my hint of frustration to hide my growing urge to move closer to him. He nodded again. 

"Can you say something?" I asked. "Please?" 

"You're crazy." Hiro smiled. "And I love it." 

Well that was a great turn of events. "Hiro-"

"Kayandi, please at least act like you're mad at me." He begged. "Please." 

"I'm starting to getting mad at you because it seems like you refuse to pay attention to what I am trying to tell you." I answered. 

"You shouldn't get mad at me because of that." He said. He sat up straight and grabbed a pillow. 

"I don't want to get mad at you Hiro." I said. I looked out the window. It was cloudy, and it looked like it was about to snow. "I'm trying of being mad and sarcastic all the time."

"I used to think that you like it." He answered. "I stand corrected." 

"That hurt." I said. 

"It's a defense mechanism, the sarcastic thing, right?" He asked. Still looking out the window, I nodded. 

"You got from your father huh?" He laughed. "Wow, I didn't know that Allah gave bad people and good people the same character traits."

"I am by no means a good person." I said. "There's something called genes, that's how Allah made me and him have that same thing."

"Are you crazy like him?" I heard him cough back a laugh. 

I ignored him and walked out of the room, his laughter following me like a cat following its owner for a treat.