sarah paulson mental health one shots

never

lana winters - never
content warning : throw up, alcohol, mental abuse, gaslighting, anger issues, physical abuse
authors note : okay so imagine as if this is in modern day but lanas the same age as she was in the beginning of asylum. also callie is the name of your ex girlfriend. ignore mistakes im too tired to proofread.

-

she was losing interest in you. she had to be. she was going to end up just like callie did. soon she'd start throwing things at you and screaming at you for little things. you pulled a bottle of tequila out of the liquor cabinet and started taking swigs. by 6pm you were completely drunk and couldn't find your phone anywhere.

"y/n?" lana had just walked in the door, and you were sitting on the floor in your shared bedroom.

"in here!" you slurred.

she came in the room and stopped dead in her tracks.

"what the fuck? it's six and you're already drunk? i don't want to come home from a long day at work to deal with this."

"i'm sorry." you slurred.

"i don't wanna hear it."

she sounded like callie, and you didn't even notice the tears streaming down your cheeks.

"oh baby. i didn't mean to make you cry." she sat down next to you and placed a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.

"no. it's my fault."

"hey, it's okay. i had a stressful day at work and i took it out on you."

you had your knees pulled to your chest.

"i think you've had a hard day too my dear. let's go to bed alright?"

you nodded and she lifted you up and tucked you into bed.

"i love you." she kissed your forehead. "i'll be to bed in a bit."

"i'm sorry."

"no, you didn't do anything wrong."

lana knew something must have happened to you before to make you react like this.

the next morning you awoke cuddled in lana's chest. immediately you felt puke begin to rise up your throat and you ran to the bathroom.

"oh jesus." lana came in behind you.

she rubbed your back and held your hair back as you threw up everything in your stomach. once you were done, you wiped your mouth and leaned on lana for support.

"i'm sorry about last night." you muttered.

"it's alright baby. i didn't mean to snap at you last night."

you nodded and she stroked your hair. you so desperately wanted to tell lana about callie, but you couldn't bring yourself to.

"are you losing interest in me?" you choked out.

"what?"

"i don't know, you seem angry and disinterested in me lately. and if you are, i understand. but i just want to know." you muttered.

"never my dear. i love you."

"i love you too."

she kissed your forehead.

"can i ask you something?"

"mhm."

"why would you think i'm losing interest in you?"

it was now or never.

"um i don't really know if this is a conversation we should be having on the bathroom floor."

"i'll go make tea. you clean yourself up."

you changed into a different tee shirt and kept the same shorts on, and then pulled your hair into a low ponytail. you braced yourself for the conversation ahead and then walked out of the bathroom. when you got to the kitchen, lana was sitting in a chair at the table with two cups of tea, one for you and one for her. you sat down next to her and took a glass of tea in your hands.

"i don't even know where to start."

"wherever you want. i'm here to listen."

she pushed a piece of hair out of your face. you loved when she did that.

"well uhm- my last girlfriend, and my first one actually, she was perfect, so perfect. she would make me homemade dinners every night, and take me to movies and shower me with gifts. i was so in love with her. and then she started to get jealous, and not in a hot way in a totally creepy and possessive way. if she would see me even glance at another girl, she would accuse me of wanting to sleep with them. soon after that, she started to... say things to me."

"what kind of things?"

"uh- she would tell me no one would ever love me, or that i was worthless. if i ever brought it up she would tell me i was being dramatic or that it never happened or that she was bored of me. there were a few times where she uhm-" you were choking back tears.

lana placed her hand on top of yours.

"she would get drunk sometimes and hit me. it was only a few times but it was... a lot. i guess one day i couldn't take it anymore, cause i packed a bag while she was out with friends and left."

"oh my baby. i'm so sorry."

she stood up from her chair and pulled you into her arms.

"i would never, ever do that to you. not in a million years."

"she said that too."

"i'm not her. i'm me. and i would never intentionally hurt you."

"i love you lana."

"i love you too."