sarah paulson mental health one shots

distorted

ally mayfair richards - distorted
content warning : past eating disorder and body dysmorphia

-

you and ally had to leave for a fancy business dinner in twenty minutes, and you hadn't even gotten dressed yet. it wasn't that you had just started getting ready, because you'd been trying for an hour now. it was that everything looked terrible on you. by the half hour mark, you had started crying and torn apart your whole closet.

"are you almost ready baby?" ally came in, adjusting her earring back.

she was wearing a tight red dress with a pair of black high heels. she looked perfect. why couldn't you look like her? you were crying even harder now.

"hey, what's wrong?"

"nothing." you sniffled. "it's stupid."

"no, tell me what's wrong." ally placed a hand on your shoulder.

"it's nothing." you wiped your face. "i'm just gonna stay home tonight."

"why? you were so excited."

"next time."

"come on y/n, talk to me."

"it's stupid."

"i'm sure it's not, and even if it was, i would still sit here and listen." the two of you were sat on the edge of ally's bed.

"i just hate myself so much. i wish i looked like you. or anyone else. i can barely look at myself anymore."

"oh sweetheart, come here." she pulled you into a hug.

"just go ally, i'll be fine here."

"i'm not going without you."

"ally i really can't tonight, i'm sorry."

"then we're not going. we'll stay in tonight."

"you really don't have to."

"i want to. let me just call to let them know." she stood up and walked to the bathroom that was connected to your shared bedroom.

"hi! yeah, me and y/n aren't going to be able to make it tonight." she paused. "yeah she's sick so i'm gonna stay in tonight. i'm so sorry! okay, well you guys enjoy your night."

you paused your cries to quietly laugh at her fakeness.

"i'm sorry ally. you got all ready tonight and i ruined it."

"you think i like these? the only things that make it fun are the alcohol and you, which i have right here." she cupped your face in her cheeks.

you smiled at her and she lifted you to her level.

"let's get dressed."

"what?"

"we're staying in, why not make a night of it?"

you sighed and she went into your closet.

"how about this?"

she held up the second dress you tried on, which was the one that made your arms look fat. you shook your head.

"this one?"

she held up another dress, it was the one that made your stomach look fat.

"no."

she held up dress after dress, and for every one you had a reason why you couldn't wear it.

"okay. how about i pick?"

"no, you're gonna pick something i don't wanna wear."

"you don't seem to wanna wear any of them."

"fine." you huffed.

she picked up a dress and handed it to you.

"this one looks-"

"tsktsktsk- nope."

you sighed in frustration and went back into your bedroom to put it on. this was the last dress you would've picked. it made your arms and stomach look huge and it highlighted your hip dips. tears began to fall from your eyes as you looked at yourself in the mirror. ally opened the door that connected the bedroom and bathroom and stepped in.

"you look gorgeous."

"i look disgusting. i'm not wearing this." you started to hyperventilate and cry harder.

"okay, okay, it's alright. put on something comfy. i'll go change too."

she left you in the bathroom and went to her own closet. she had her closet in a separate room because you both had so many clothing items. you put on a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. ally came back almost five minutes later wearing a sweater and sweatpants.

"come on, let's go order some food, hm?"

the last thing you wanted was to eat.

"i'm not really hungry."

"baby, i know you don't feel good about yourself right now, but you still have to eat. your body needs it."

why'd she have to be such a good girlfriend?

"pizza sound good?" she asked.

"pizza sounds great."

you sighed, knowing eating wasn't going to be easy tonight. you had gone into recovery almost two years ago, around the time you and ally had first gotten together, but you still had bad days, and today seemed to be one of them. ally called and ordered the pizza, and you grabbed the both of you a glass of wine.

"okay, it'll be here in thirty."

"sounds good."

she sat down at the table next to you and took one of the glasses.

"see? you and alcohol. it's perfect. pizza's a bonus."

you laughed.

"i know it's been hard for you y/n, today especially." ally placed her hand on yours. "but i'm here for you, and i love you."

"i love you too."

"and for the record, i think you're absolutely perfect. so even if you can't see it, i can." ally hugged you and kissed your forehead.